Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Let the Sun Shine

I knew this would happen. You enjoy one episode so much that the next one is inevitably a let down. This episode certainly was a sun parched low to my French high.

The Quickfire Ingredient. Cactus. The Guest Judge. Tim Love, another leftover from Top Chef Masters. If you didn't watch when he was on then or didn't notice in this episode, Tim enjoys a good snort of tequila. A lot. Hell, that should have been the Quickfire ingredient. Maybe then we would have had an episode with a little more pizazz. Mike I. wins the Quickfire because he uses a lot of cactus in his New Jerseyian Greek food. Laurine and Tintin round out the top three. It shouldn't be a surprise that two of the bottom three are Ron and Ash. The big surprise was who joined them.That's right, Michael V. In the bottom. He looks a little surprised. Use it Michael, use it to inspire you to bigger and better things. Not more cerviche. Now as a couple of our observant commentators have pointed out, the cerviche method of preparation is getting used like a Real Housewife's credit card. In this Quickfire alone, of the dishes shown, three used the preparation to describe their dish. This is not a good sign. Also not a good sign but surely a funny sign is Tintin's pronunciation of the word cactus.Me neither, Tintin, me neither.
The Elimination challenge didn't really seem to be as much as a challenge but more of an exercise in Drama Production. So the best way to do that was to plop the chefs down in the middle of the desert and make them spend the night, sleeping two to a tepee. Really little tepees.Make them cook on fire pits.
Take away their hair gel...Brutal, dude, just brutal. Yet despite the serious lack of hair gel...
...the chefs must cook High End dishes for Cowboys. You know what that means - CERVICHE for EVERYONE!!!!Poor cowboys. (Somewhere ZZ Top is missing a member.) Now the criteria for the challenge was pretty wide open so the chefs had a lot of latitude in what they could make. Most chose some sort of seafood or went really simple. The better chefs, recognizing that if you could get past the setting and concentrate on a good tasting dish true to their style, counted on doing well. Standing tall at the winning Judge's table were the Battling Brothers Voltaggio, Laurine and Ashley. Mike V - not Mike I. Despite two newcomers to Happy Judge's Table, Bryan takes a 3rd Elimination win.This is not a look that says Brotherly Love at all. Perhaps Bravo might look into a Family Counselor as potential product placement.

At the loser's Judge's Table. CERVICHE FOR EVERYONE!!

Robin, Ron and Tintin face the judge's wrath for bad shrimp, raw cod and apparently a god awful coconut mojito. Perhaps using your naked finger as a tasting device might have something to do with that last one.Despite this finger foul, it's the half assed, triple threat of bad cerviches that finally sends Tintin back to his restaurant in Fran..uh...California. I'm making a Blog Command decision and counting his cerviches as 3 instead of one, add Ron's sweet cerviche, in total gives us 7 cerviche type dishes in episode. I'm sure that's a new Top Chef record. Another member of the kitchen fodder takes his rightful place in the Condo of Shame, I'm sure wearing a black manscarf of mourning for his lost opportunity.Don't let the cerviche hit you on the way out, Tintin.

20 comments:

frogponder said...

Seriously I don't ever want to hear the word cerviche again. Adding that to my list along with 'gravitas', 'working families' and 'weapons of mass destruction'.

LaDivaCucina said...

And another thing....what's with the Haitian using "I don't drink" as an excuse for serving a coconut mojito that sucked?! Honeychile, if you made it, you better friggin' TASTE IT before you serve it! What? A drop of evil al-kee-hall cain't touch yer lips? Puh-leeze! Nothing pisses Diva off more than affronts to her liquor and cocktails!

(Honestly, I think de Island Boy used coconut juice from an old or rotten coconut!! A coconut mojito sounds just heavenly!)

Buzz Kill said...

And everyone knows cowboys dig ceviche. I know the cheftestants cook for the judges first but come on, you can still cook some beef. All that seafood in that heat is a recipe for a ptomaine disaster. And I really wanted to see kangaroo in the quickfire.
Whole kangaroo that they would have to butcher first. That would have been cool. I frequent Top Chefs site and I don't ever rememeber the survey on the ingredient they should use.
BTW Lee Anne Wong is starting to blog again and promises an episode by episode write up - she always has interesting things to say.

Big Shamu said...

There was a lot of bad food to go around. I'm not sure why Robin didn't taste her shrimp. How do you not taste your own food?
The cerviche thing is too funny. Remember Season 3, it was tartare or poke everything.
As for not tasting the drink I think he did taste it and thought it was ok. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know a good mojito from a bad one but I think I'd resist serving something I knew so little about.

Big Shamu said...

Thank goodness for LeeAnne. I've missed her. I don't haunt the Bravo Top Chef site like I used to so I'm not surprised I missed the poll. I tend to be fairly cynical when it comes to Bravo's polls and Fan Favorite voting results. That the least offensive ingredient was chosen is not a surprise. I was rooting for the snake.

LaDivaCucina said...

I don't think you have to "know" a drink to tell whether it tastes good or not! Crikey, taste your food and drinks people!

I LOVE Ser-vee-shay! But I'll tell you what: If I'm workin' on a ranch, the last thing I want to eat is marinated fish salad for dinner!!! It's light and a great starter but a meal serveeshay does not make!

LaDivaCucina said...

I think the snake would have been the best challenge as I'm certain no one would have made it before. kangaroo is not really all that challenging as it should be prepared like venison. It's a meat that is very high in protein and low in fat so must be cooked accordingly so as not to make it tough.

Big Shamu said...

Oh yeah, that was the other thing. How did it turn into a main dish? When did high end mean no meat, especially beef? I know the brothers stuck to their guns, style-wise but hell the Asian cuisines are full of beef.

Big Shamu said...

That's too bad about the kangeroo. It's a protein they've never had before. Snake yes, roo, no.

LaDivaCucina said...

True dat. The Koreans love their bulgogi and of course, the Japanese love their Wagyu and Kobe beef! Yeah! Korean bbq would have been a cool way to go!

LaDivaCucina said...

Shamu, your memory for names and past dishes and challenges AMAZES ME!! I must count on your memory at all times cuz I can't even remember half of their names halfway thru the season!!!

Yes, it would be nice to see the 'roo then. I've had kangaroo steaks a' plenty and also one time had kangaroo prosciutto...to die for!!

LaDivaCucina said...

Oh one more thing: They also make kangaroo tail soup. Like ox tail but with 'roo tails.

LaDivaCucina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Big Shamu said...

See the reason I remember all these ingredients is because they do those awesome tables of ingredients. Lay them all out. Add stuffed animal heads (toothy boar's head, twice) so yeah kangaroo would have been interesting. Too much of a cuteness factor for Americans.

MakingSpace said...

Y'all totally lost me at the connection between cactus and ceviche and teepees. ROFL Damn, does this mean I am actually gonna hafta watch the SHOW? SOB....

MakingSpace said...

Also Sham, I am sending a pack of ninja squirrels to your house immediately as a curse for getting me stuck on the music of Hair. Razz. I only saw the movie, and Treat Williams wasn't THAT cute, and I ain't just sayin' that 'cause he's a boy. Phhht.

Big Shamu said...

Yes, you must watch. It would make the Magical Elves ever so happy.

MakingSpace said...

I'm suspicious. Magical Elves means squirrels, right?

Big Shamu said...

The Magical Elves are the the people who actually produce Top Chef.
I can't attest to their squirreliness.

MakingSpace said...

Ah. I vote nutty. LOL