Tuesday, October 20, 2009

10 Signs That You Might Have a Problem

If you came here looking for a rehash of the Pigs and Pinot Elimination Challenge of the most recent Top Chef episode - here's the rundown. Kevin won, Ash lost. Normally I'd be a slop happy pig in a poke with a whole episode dedicated to the hog. However. I refuse to do a Happy Happy Joy Joy dance while the producers insist on making the nasty drama at the condo the focus of the viewers attention. I don't watch Top Chef for scenes of children acting like they still need a mommy. I watch for the Kitchen Drama. I watch for the food. I watch for things like Bacon Jam.
So sorry kids, no Pigs and Pinot Soup for you today. Instead. I give you......signs you may have a Bacon Addiction Problem.

10) Babe the movie pig starts your mouth drooling.

9) You lobby your state senator to make Bacon the Official State Cured Meat.

8) You ask your boss if the office has National Bacon Day off (the first Monday of September).

7) Spends way too much money on the Archie McPhee & Co. Bacon Page.

6) Saves money on bacon lip balm from Archie McPhee by making your own with bacon fat and wax.

5) You think The Squeal is one of the finest pieces of art ever to grace a kitchen wall.

4) Believes the Theory of Baconization and It's Relativity to a Better Life is more important than the Theory of Relativity.

3) Thinks Detroit would sell a whole lot more new cars if they came with crispy bacon smell instead of new car smell.

2) Schemes to get the word Baconization into Webster's Dictionary (and not just the Urban Dictionary)

1) Your blogger buddy hand embroiders a Bacon Love handtowel and sends it to you...and you frame it for your kitchen.

You can all now be jealous of my legendary Bacon Folk Art. Thank you Dani of Gardening Under the Florida Sun, I will treasure it forever.


Dani said...

Hahahahahaha! I'm totally diggin' the bacon air freshner. That is just too damn funny!

I'm so glad you like the towel. I did learn a very important lesson while doing it though. DO NOT EAT chicken with mole sauce while embroidering. Thank God for bleach pens, cause I was sweatin' bullets. :)

Big Shamu said...

Awww, a little chicken mole stain would have been perfect. Maybe with a little embroidery identifier. Yes, one of the dangers of multitasking, chicken mole expansion.

Buzz Kill said...

I'm surprised you didn't say anything about keeping a "bacon explosion" hidden in your toilet tank or investing in pork belly futures instead of paying the mortgage, Bwaahahaha
I, for one, am glad you didn't do a rundown on the pigs and pinot elimination. I don't think I'll be watching the reruns of the hissy fit back at he house (or at least I'll switch channels if it's on) because I don't need to see Eli and Mike I. show again.

Big Shamu said...

Buzz that assumes that I have money for investing or the mortgage. Perhaps it should have been, Makes sure Food Stamps covers any future bacon purchases.

This episode left a nasty residue on my tv screen. I won't be revisiting it. Frankly I'm counting down the hours until both numbnuts are gone.

Susan said...

I feel a little Bacon Craftin' Smack Down a comin' on from me & Missy D here at Black St. I think we've been challenged Dee - to come up with a bacon themed craft project to top the much loved hand embroidered hand towel. We's thinkin' and the wheels they are a churnin'. Miss Dixon has been working for some time now on a crab themed gift - but we do love a smack down so you're on - all of ya.

Love it Dani and even love more how much B Shamu loves it.

That what gifts are "supposed" to be.

Big Shamu said...

Oh this should be good, Craft Bacon Smackdown. Bacon Windchimes? Bacon dog collars? The possibilities are endless.

Dani said...

Hmmm...I think you might be on to something with the bacon windchimes.

LaDivaCucina said...

Haha! I LOVE the bacon embroidery! I think Dani should have done a little embroidery around the mole stain!!! (Now THAT'S love!)

I am diggin' the bacon as new car smell idea, perfect for Detroit!

I must investigate the bacon flavored liquor some people are doing now....Shamu, you crack me up!