Major Pimpage

The Quickfire from the latest Just Desserts had to have the most blatant Product Pimpage I've seen in a long time and I'm constantly on the Pimpage Alert System. But I'm wondering, did it work? Here we are, after the program has aired and I'm wondering if you can name the product?

Just Desserts put on their big purple Pimp hat during the last episode, can you remember what they were pimping?
	How could I forget, they only bashed me over the head about a dozen times with the Product.
	I can't remember because I was too busy watching Danielle make bizarre faces.
	Team Go Diva Hair Gel?
	Gotta be Gail's shoes even though the nude shoe trend is so done.
	KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce for Ice Cream?
pollcode.com free polls

The Fall of Seth

The Fall of Seth all starts innocently enough with the rather disgusting practice of Seth shaving in the kitchen sink. Two observations.Could those shorts be any bigger on him and damn, what's up with the pink kitchen? Apparently Seth is finding any way possible to grind away at the other contestants attempts at camaraderie and cohesion. Meanwhile upstairs...Malika is having her own doubts about staying in the competition (more than likely caused by the brightness of her pillowcase keeping her awake at night) and really missing her kids. Who knew making desserts was so stressful. It's OK, really, because there's a softball Quickfire Challenge coming up.Time to Pimp Some Product. Today's pimpage? Breyers Ice Cream with the lovely Gale Gand as Guest Judge.It's simple, bling up an ice cream sundae. That's all. Well...except for Seth. Despite the presence of a huge table of....ice cream, Seth wants to know if he can make his own ice cream. Gail Simmons firmly answers no and somehow resists the urge to throw a carton of Breyers at Seth. The twitchfest begins.Seth starts muttering something about weak sauce and seems to be unable to JUST STAND STILL. Suddenly we're cutting to the stew room. What? Stew room? Don't be fooled, the chefs spend a lot of time there especially when everything has to be set up and the rules of the challenge have to be reviewed.It's here that Seth gets into some kind of argument with the Producer with No Name about cupcake liners. Yes, you read that right, cupcake liners. Seth's persecution complex has exploded to the point of demanding his passport (according to Zac). Now at this point, one has to wonder, what kind of detention camp do these reality shows run if they demand your passport upon entry into the competition? After much yelling and drama Seth leaves the Stew Room to go have his panic attack in private.Because let's face it, having a fainting spell/panic attack in front a group of people you've done everything possible to alienate is not the best plan of attack. Then again it will also get you kicked off the show. A little note to future contestants of Just Desserts and Top Chef. It's a very fine line between being the annoying chef dedicated to grating on your fellow chefs nerves as a method to win the game and being a total prick that the producers can't wait to get rid of. Seth crossed the line, never to return. I'm not sure he could even handle a reunion show. How will this affect the rest of the chefs?Zac, Yigit and Erika look like they are taking it in stride. Morgan looks like he's wondering who he can manly bond with now. The ice cream challenge goes on with Morgan winning it but Zac coming in a close second with a panko fried ice cream. Having actually fried ice cream before I'm thinking Zac should have won it. But really, with Seth's departure, didn't we all win?

Susan and Mary Sue give you the Best Fish Taco

Bravo, in it's quest for world domination, puts out a lot of stuff. A LOT. However because I can't get enough of Susan Feniger, I'm sharing this first of a series of Car Pimpage Adventures as Susan and Top Chef Season Two's Betty Fraser talking about the Best Fish Taco.

Note to Susan, do NOT ever doubt the size of Betty's mouth.

Pair Pimping

Oh boy, Product Pimpage Quickfire. My favorite kind of Quickfire....not. Never heard of Alexia Crunchy Snacks. Don't think I'll be pairing them up with anything in my fridge anytime soon.

Little bit of a twist in this episode. Seems that the Battling Brothers Voltaggio have both worked for guest judge Charlie Palmer.A little lingering resentment is always good for a relationship. Still Michael gives it his all for the Quickfire. The dishes don't appear to be too exciting. Robin, Ash and Jen end up in the bottom half of judging. Jen hopes that she has the judges at her station first which of course means they show up to her station last where they get to taste overcooked pork chops. Robin and Ash have no excuses but are well versed at the art of reacting to Quickfire Bottom Judgments.As for the winning dishes? Turns out Charlie does like Bryan better. Along with Kevin and Baby Eli. Who wins the Snackie Quickfire?Baby Eli. (I guess even a blind squirrel can find a nut) Sadly for Eli's parents no $15,000 gold chip for winning which means Eli will still be living at home.

Next up: All Pig All the Time.

Twisting the Night Away.

Sometimes Top Chef is a comedy. A subtle convoluted comedy, but a comedy none the less. What? You weren't chuckling? Perhaps you missed some of the more ephemeral twists that occurred during this episode. Like the Quickfire.Or should I say the Quickfire's Sponsor, Cookstr.com? We'll get to them in a minute but first consider the actual challenge. Create a dish incorporating three keywords that we're going to give you by a totally impartial and random spinning of this slot machine.
I am really beginning to hate the descriptive word challenges. For instance how to you twist the following words into a winning dish: Stressed, Umami, Latin - Adventurous, Nutty, American - Blue, Cheesy, Middle Eastern? Better yet, how the hell do you judge the dish and it's adherence to their descriptors? But let's face it, it wasn't really about the food, it was really about the best way to pimp Cookstr.com. Why Cookstr? I know that's what I thought. Lord knows I've surfed some foodie/recipe sites and blogs but frankly I thought they were pimping a recipe site I occasionally hit in my many searches. Imagine my surprise when I actually went there to check them out and found this...
Why Padma, what are you doing here? Yes that's right, it's a site for you to surf 24 pages of cookbook authors. One of which is Padma. Only three months old and going for the big Pimp of Top Chef. A little late to the party kids but then again when one of your partners is Bravo...

...is it really pimping or just kissing your cousin? Now that we know that the whole point of the Quickfire was to promote Cookstr as the website "to help the at home cook to find the perfect recipe for every occasion" with the use of Keywords, how did our chefs do with this task? It seems everyone jumped ship when it came to using the words like stressed, adventurous and tired and just tried to make the best dish possible with the other two words. That seems to have been a wise move since Guest Judge Tyler Florence totally ignored judging their dishes on the strength of their word use and just talked flavor profiles instead. Kevin takes the win with his Stressed, Hot N' Spicy, Asian dish of Char Grilled Pork with Daikon and Vietnamese Herb Salad.Not only does he win with another pig dish but in yet another twist he gets to choose between $15,000 or immunity. Being one of the top four chefs and feeling massively confident about his chances, Kevin smartly takes the golden chip.
Still, I couldn't let go of giving Cookstr a run for it's money. What would happen if I plugged in the word pimpage they so proudly sponsored? Did they actually think ahead? Is their highly touted search engine ready for a Top Chef Crack Monkey like me?Ohhhh, not even close. Not one recipe AND it blows the whole premise of finding that one special recipe for every occasion. Funny, funny stuff. Maybe this year Top Chef will finally win that coveted Emmy...for a comedy series.

Top Chef Master - Lost in Confusion

The beginning of the Elimination round finds our Top Chef world turned upside down. The two rookies have a solid lead over our former judges. Still it's anyone's game as they head into the Elimination Round. What do they have to do for the elimination challenge? Well.....
...it's the most convoluted way to get to use an unusual protein (wild boar) and force the chefs to do a canned food challenge. It's the Lost Supper. Cooking a meal for some of the producers and writers of the ABC series Lost. I don't know if NBC and Andy Cohen have some future quid pro quo going on that some angle of Top Chef will be worked into the series finale of Lost but I wouldn't be shocked.

Filling in for the Dharma pantry is, of course, Whole Foods. Lists in hand, it's time to shop.Wylie is apparently having issues getting the Dharma Charms cereal from it bulk bin.Graham relies on his youth and cat-like reflexes to snatch product from beneath Wylie's nose before he even knows it's gone.

Back in the kitchen it's time for Product Pimping. Ready?

So in the span of roughly 45 seconds of airtime we had 4 visuals and 1 verbal (Wylie asks for PAM) product placements. Exquisite, is it not? Nobody does pimpage like Top Chef.
I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole......or plantain......except to say..........shouldn't that have been Faulkner's line?

I know, what was I thinking. Anyhoo....
The Guests are assembling.
No, not him.

Him.
The Hostess with a giant red fleurchon on her head. (Fleurchons are the new black)

And the judge who apparently snared a rare black island bird and covered a Dharma trashcan with it's feathers because nothing says style like a feathered bucket.

Service starts and again the clock bites one of our chefs in the ass.
A sauce that never makes it to the plate is no sauce at all.
First up is Faulkner's Boar two way, Ancho Beer braised and Coffee scented poached loin with Yam Papaya pudding. Someone at some point will have to explain to me why one of the best pastry chefs in the country elected not to do any sort of pastry at all. Anyone? Ferris? The judges seem ok with the boar but pine for sauce. Hardly anyone enjoys the pudding. Not good.

Graham one ups Faulkner's Boar Duo with his Tuna Trio. Maki roll with tuna & dehydrated pineapple, Tuna Niçoise and Tuna a la Plancha. No complaints from the guests, even the canned green beans get the green thumb of approval.

Wylie asks the eternal question: Which came out of the Immersion Circulator first, the chicken or the egg with his Roasted Chicken and Poached Egg with banana mustard, Beets & dried corn and Plantain Puree. In a bold move he tries to avoid judgment by not giving one of the judges a complete dish but at the last moment rethinks the strategy. Wylie gets sort of a mixed bag from the chefs, the Critics seem to like his poached egg mostly because it seems to be a Dufresne signature while some of the guests are not so enthralled.

They ended with Suzanne's very busy and full plate of Risotto with Uni, clams and prawns, Wild Boar strip with oyster beer sauce, a mango corn salad and baked yam. So busy is her plate that she forgets what's on it. I'm guessing the stuff that looks like pasta is the mango salad with some really nice knife work. Again, no complaints from the guests.

Judging is fairly harmless for 3 out of the 4 chefs. Faulkner gets pinged for both the pudding and the sauce-less plate. The one dish of all of them I would want to try (even combined with episode one) was Suzanne's risotto. Uni, clams and some of those huge prawns just seems really decadent and delicious. I also think we will see at least one chef do some version of risotto every single episode.

The quiet unshakable Suzanne Tract takes the win while our former judges feel the burn of being on the other side of the judge's table. Oh Karma, you are a harsh Mistress.

Next Week? The Church Lady stops by...
...to give her long lost brother some TV tips.