Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Top Chef All Stars - Clash of the Almost Titans

I've watched the previews, I've read the background. I am totally stoked for this Wednesday's beginning of Top Chef All Stars Season Eight. Eighteen chefs from seven past seasons clash for the title of All Star Top Chef. Are you ready for the lineup? Then RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Top Chef Kraken

Top Chef All Stars Season 1

Season One in San Francisco gave us the delicious Tiffani and Stephen, two of the Originals. The chefs that made us love this thing we call Top Chef.

Top Chef All Stars Season Two

Season Two, L.A., The Cursed Season. Marcel and Elia.

Top Chef All Stars Season Three

Season Three, Miami, one of best seasons in terms of entertainment with Tre, the Fallen, Casey, the Black Widow and my Big Gay Boyfriend, Dale.

Top Chef All Stars Season Four

Season Four, Chicago. Holy Crap, does Season Four really warrant four chefs? What, they couldn't get Lee Anne from Season One to sign up so they yanked out a box Top Chef Helper and came up with Asshat and Dale to flesh out the cast?

Top Chef All Stars Season Five

Season Five, New York. The nearly unintelligible Fabio, Carla Hootie Hoo, one of my All Time top five Top Chef contestants and Jamie, who seems to be a bit of an odd choice here.

Top Chef All Stars Season Six

Season Six, Las Vegas. This season, in my opinion, was the most competitive when it came to the food which is odd considering the chefs that are participating. Jennifer I have no problem with but really who wants to see Mike when there could be Kevin Gillespie or Brian Voltagio knocking heads with Tiff or Marcel?

Top Chef All Stars Season Seven

Season Seven, DC. Snoreapolloza as it's known in my house (Tiffany was the bright spot of that season).

That's the rundown with the regular lineup of judges of Tom, Gail and Padma. The extra special judging sauce?

Anthony Bourdain

That's right, the Bourdain. Let's hope it's not the pale Season Seven judge but the roaring Season Two and Three judge who compares bad broccolini to doll's hair.

So what can we expect from all this ego-crazed goodness? Probably some of the best challenges of all the past seven seasons to probe the known weaknesses of the chefs. Like say a Cooking for Kids challenge to see if Tiff has learned to dial in her love for children?

Tiff and kids

Perhaps the kids thing is still a sore spot for Tiff. How about something we've ALL been waiting to see, a head to head match up with Tom Colicchio.

tom competes

Could be fun especially if things start dropping on the floor. How about guest judges?

Paula Deen

Looks like Paula Deen pays a visit and she may or may not be bringing her Peanut Brittle Whole Smoked Ham Pie with her.

Peanut Brittle Smoked Ham Pie

(I think this pie sends at least one chef to the hospital, maybe two.)

Who do I expect to do well when slaying the Kraken?


Of all the contestants I think Tiffani has the most Top Chef experience. She was second only to Harold in Season One and only because she did a dual menu. She was in the short one episode cookoff between Season One and Season Two at the beginning of Season Three. She won the Top Chef Christmas Special against some of the same chefs she's cooking against now. She also cooked in the strange little Fabio reunion show. So when it comes to competing Top Chef style, I'd say only Marcel has almost as much. She's completely dialed into what the judges tend to look for and she is fiercely competitive. Add to that she's been cooking non-stop when she's not doing the Top Chef gig. Who are her biggest competitors? Jennifer, Tre, Dale L., and Marcel. I expect the competition to be fierce but will it be entertaining. I have questions. For instance, will there be any bikini shots?


casey's bikini

If not, why not?

Will the Four Assed Monkey make an appearance?

TopChef, the 4 assed monkey

Will this little piggy squeal all the way home?


Does Casey still have the Kiss of the Spider Woman?


Will Stephen be giving advice on being a well dressed man to just about every other male cast member on set?

well dressed man

One can only hope.

Will Padma take any hints from Gail on style and taste as it applies to dressing for work?


I take it that's a no?

Will Carla....


...ever meet her doppelganger...

dramatic topchef-prairie-dog

...Dramatic Prairie Dog?

Does Dale T. really think this lipstick is his color?

Dale T. Lipstick

(Not photoshopped)

And finally, will someone, anyone tell me which chef for Season Three used this in their audition tape????

Who is this

(I won't tell)


Melissa said...

yaya! Way to drum up some more excitement for me! Top Chef last season wore me out, and Just Desserts Just Didn't do it for me. But this Wednesday! whoo hoo! Of course, we have to find the winner to America's Next Top Model first. I mean this cycle is HUGE! wink wink. And thanks for the wrap up.

Very nicely done, my friend.

Big Shamu said...

You're welcome Melissa. I'm waiting for Top Chef to start their own channel so it will be Top Chef ALL THE TIME!!!

(I'm not kidding)

Making Space said...

Oh. My. GAWD.

New desktop background.

You have outphotochopped yourself, Shamsteroni.

I can't waiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!

Syd said...

Love me some Tiffani and Carla.

Can't wait to hate on Marcel some more. Little bastard. And Jamie seems to be quite full of herself.

This should be good.

moi said...

Fabio and Carla and Tiffany—yay! I like Tifanni, too, but those boots with the socks and the skirt and the smock? No.

And I just realized who will replace Johnny Depp in my affections. Anthony B., call me.

froggy said...

We are beyond excited! Dale!!!!

Big Shamu said...

Moi, Tiff's outfit here is not so bad as the one she was wearing at an All Stars party. Ouchies.

DALE!!! I loves me some Dale.

Buzz Kill said...

Thanks for the reminder. I forgot this was coming on this week. Every time I put on BRAVO it's Housewives this and Matchmaker that.

I like Tiffani, Blaise, Tre and Elia for the top four. And Paula Dean as a judge - I don't think so?

Big Shamu said...

Sweet, Buzz someone I can argue with. I agree about Tiffani and Tre. Elia I don't know. I don't think she has the tummy to deal with the stress. Blais talks up his food way too much. The only reason I'm not putting him in the asshat category is Chickory/K9's opinion of his food. I like first hand accounts from people I know. Still the dude just grates on me the wrong way.

Boxer said...

wow-zer, what a post! Having only started watching Top Chef in the last two years, I'm looking forward to seeing some of the previous Chefs and I'm really glad Tiffany is back!

Paula Dean? For reals? Hmmmm.

Big Shamu said...

You know I have to agree about the Paula Deen appearence. I know the lineup of the Top Chef shows is a direct competitor to just about everything the Food Network does and I know there has been cross appearences by former contestants (like Asshat getting his ass and his hat handed to him on Iron Chef) but I don't get the need to have Paula Deen on All Stars. Hopefully it will become clear once it happens.

Dani said...

I'm gonna be watchin'!