Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Bloat

This is it folks. The pinnacle of food offerings Top Chef threw at us last night. Yes, it's Richard's Quickfire Jicama Tacos. No meat, no corn, totally what Rick Bayless was looking for when he said he wanted to take the taco into the fine dining realm. It's not often the Quickfire is the high point of the show. Low point, yes. We've had some low points in past Quickfires. Usually they involve nasty tasting food but Erik provides us with another one when in the one on one he tells Guest Judge Rick Bayless to "go screw himself". Not to his face mind you because that would take some balls.

What was the rest of the show about?

Making sure these cars were seen. Outside shots, interior shots, driving, parked, loading the ample trunk. We got it all last night. No shopping at Whole Foods this time, not when we've got the Highlander to pimp. Was there any other explanation for this monkey turd of an episode?

Let's face it. Besides pimping the car this was an exercise in thinning the herd. What a big, fat, bloated herd it is. When faced with foraging from the neighborhood pantries and producing "the best block party food ever" our little sheep produce nothing more exciting than Upscale Block Party (Blue Team) and Classic Americana (Red Team).

Both teams fell far short of what we'd like to see these chefs produce. Crusty, dry mac and cheese, soft Paella, flaccid corn dogs, soggy Waldorf salad and pasta salad with no pop. Where's the imagination, the creativity, the pushing of the culinary envelope? Hell, where's the damn common sense that says frying something only to let it sit in a hot box for two hours generally doesn't work? What's wrong with your palate when you let that pasta salad taste worse than what you could buy in a grocery store? Tom and the rest of the judges were right to bring the hammer down on the Muttonheaded Herd. Let's just hope it won't take too many more episodes of watching Tom teach Culinary Classics 101.


k said...

It would be wise to have some catering experience for these competitions. At the very least sit down with a caterer before you
go. These aren't *new* challenges.

Anonymous said...

You forgot the gratuitous shots of the KC Masterpiece sauce and the Hidden Valley Ranch dressing - both sponsors.

Debby T said...

It's been driving me crazy that these "professional chefs" who presumeable went to culinary school and/or work in the industry don't know the basics; how to make mayo, that mayo serves as a preservative, fried food wilts when held over. Geez, I'm a typical home cook and I've known these things since scratch!

The Big Shamu said...

I saw the KC Masterpiece and Ranch Dressing shots (Props to the Fatassed Snack Master Challenge of Season 1)but they were simply blinks of the eye compared to the long sweet shots of SUVs hauling ass down the road. Long Live the Pimp.

The Troll said...

Kudos to the gals for recognizing the show's best moment. Clueless boy's reaction to Tom's Mayo comment.

I guess Top Chef will always be a dichotomy. Tacky and obviously planned "drama moments" for the hoi polloi to blog about.

And subtle little REAL moments that only the discerning notice.

David Dust said...

Bravo has NO shame when it comes to pimpin' products. Their V.P of Product Placement should be named 'Huggy Bear' or 'Mac Daddy' or something similarly pimptastic.

Click here for DavidDust's Top Chef recap.


EB said...

As a native San Franciscan... I have to say I'm bummed one of my four city dwellers got booted. I've eaten Erik's food. It's really good. But he just did not step up to the Top Chef plate sadly.