A Chef Walks into a Grocery Store with Ten Dollars....

Best intentions. I'm sure they had the best of intentions. Who am I talking about? A whole passel of folks in the news recently but mainly I'm talking about the Partnership for a Healthier America. Last week a group of celebrity chefs gathered in Washington DC to stunt cook (but for a good cause). This particular event caught my eye for two reasons: 1) Tom Colicchio and 2) it was a straight up repeat of this challenge...

...where Season 4 chefs' shop at Whole Foods to make dinner for a family of four using a $10 budget. The twist this time? They are not pimping Whole Foods but their supposed challenge was to use SNAP coupons. SNAP stands for Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program or the current form of food stamps. So the two teams of chefs were supposedly to use $10 of SNAP money to make their meal. But our long experience with Chef Tom tells us that there's no way he's going to actually take ten bucks into a grocery store and shop for a whole meal. Nope. As typical with restaurant chefs, they've jiggered the numbers again to allow themselves to use restaurant math to make this work for them. They also decided that the recipes that they produced were for two families. So already they've taken a very real situation that many people face today and cheated it into something totally unrealistic all the while giving themselves a big pat on the back for being so philanthropic. If you think I'm being harsh, here is Tom's list of ingredients for his three course meal of Salad, Beef Stir Fry and Panna Cotta with Orange Segments.

1 whole bag carrots, 1/2 cup raisins, 2 apples, 1/2 cup buttermilk, 2 T apple cider vinegar, salt and pepper, 1 1/2 pounds beef round, 1 cup broccoli florets, 1 cup snow peas, 1 cup button mushrooms, hot sesame oil AND regular sesame oil, 3/4 cup soy sauce, 1 T oyster sauce, 1 T fresh lime, 1/2 cup green onion, 1/2 cup peanuts, 1 cup onion, 1 T garlic, 1/2 cup cilantro, 3 cups brown rice, 1 packet sugar free orange jello, 1 1/2 cups buttermilk and orange segments.

Now I don't have to go shopping to tell you how crazy that list is for regular folks and I'm not sure just what the rules are for what products are and are not allowed to be purchased using SNAP, but I'm thinking oyster sauce is not included. Here's what I do know. When faced with attempting to make every dollar stretch, every penny count, unemployed parents are going to hard pressed to turn away from a cheap Micky Dee's Happy Meal when faced with this list. Hell Tom's list is not so bad compared to Ming Tsai's list which includes two heads of frisee. But these restaurant chefs are going to have to accept the fact that folks using SNAP are not going to have two kinds of sesame oil in their pantry, if they still have a pantry at all.

So what did they accomplish? Did they raise a lot of money for their non-profit? Probably. Did they raise awareness about healthy eating? Not sure since there were no nutritional values listed in the press releases or on their website where I found their recipes. Did they convince anyone that the meals they made can hit their ten dollar budget? Highly unlikely since again, no monetary values were attached to the recipes. Did Chef Tom get the experience of having someone spit out his creation in front of a live audience? Hella yes! (Read all about it here at the Washington Post article describing the hilarious spit by spit event) But let's just take a cold reality shower and remember that 60 Minutes and CBS News recently had a sobering piece about families living in vehicles because of the economic reality many are currently experiencing.

Arielle Metzger and Austin Metzger

Maybe these two kids should give a seminar on eating healthier on $10. It might be a little more honest.

Given Enough Time and Inspiration

As we head to the final few episodes of Top Chef All Stars, I can't help but think how incredibly jaded I've become to the whole cooking competition faux reality show genre. When Top Chef first aired with it's twelve unknown chefs back in 2006, it was about people who wanted to win a big chunk of change to further their dreams. The producers were lucky to actually get advertisers and sponsors for the products and prize money. Thank the highly successful Project Runway for making that happen. Season Eight finds us with eighteen former competitors, fighting for more money and prizes than any other season before it and some coveted title that they think will bestow some honor or respectability to their efforts. All I could think about during the Elimination Challenge was it could have been very touching if it didn't have that creepy sort of feeling that any moment, bottom of the screen crawlers would pop up pimping NBC's second season of Who Do You Think You Are or as it's known in my house, Has Been Celebrity Genealogy. The fact that they used the chefs and their close relatives and spouses and a whole lot of family history to sell any number of things seen during this challenge really bugs me. However, I realize that my hide has been deeply impregnated with so much jade rust that it makes it impossible for me to enjoy the challenge for what it was. What I did enjoy was the competence of the food we were presented with. Finally.






Look at those dishes. There is not one dish I don't want to eat. If all five of these meals were offered on a menu I would never eat because I would spend forever trying to decide. Pillowy gnocchi with burrata cheese? This dish alone has snatched Mike back from the brink of Cheese Vomit Soup. Short ribs with fried bone marrow? My mouth is watering and if I'm correct, liquid nitrogen had nothing to do with Richard's meal. And where the hell did Tiffany pull oxtail marmalade from and why hasn't she been pulling from that bag of tricks all along? Thank goodness the third time was a charm for Carla frying something even if she had to switch from fish to grits and threw in a little liquid nitrogen for good measure. But you know Tom just had to give the win to Antonia after his previous meltdown about risotto. When the risotto works on all levels and your meat is tender and juicy, it's hard not to give her a car. Or maybe it's a consolation prize for finding out that Mike's your cousin AND your mother wants to invite him over for dinner. The food was just gorgeous and as Gail pointed out in her blog, all five chefs chose to focus on braised meats. I don't know if they were all pulling from family history or if it was just a challenge with a time frame that allowed for this cooking method to work but frankly who cares when you get to see food like that.

Especially with a backdrop like this. What a beautiful setting and a beautiful night.

Now it didn't go entirely smoothly for all of our chefs. Some of them just don't realize that the chefs are as playthings for the judges.

This is Blaise after Antonia is announced as winner. I'd guess his stress vomit is about halfway up his throat.


This is Blaise after Mike is deemed safe. The stress vomit has probably reached the back of his throat and his bowels most likely have started gurgling.


Look at this pale sweaty man....I hope they had a defibrillator on site for this particular segment because I thought his heart was going to explode at the thought of getting auffed before even getting to the finale. And don't think these judges aren't devious. Just look at the glee on their faces.


You know they enjoyed every second of torturing Richard. That, my little TC Crack Monkeys, is the one thing that has remained constant throughout all those seasons, that the chefs are only here for the judges and our enjoyment. They will use you, they will abuse you, they will edit you from Mother Teresa-like saintliness to Charlie Sheen freakishness in the blink of an eye. Don't you ever forget it.
Now bring on the Finale.

All in the Family

There was a scene in the second season of The Sopranos where one of Tony's henchmen, after being served a formal meal in Italy, asks "Can I just get some macaroni and gravy?". The native Italians were not amused. I imagine it's how Fabio must of felt for this episode of Top Chef All Stars. Had Fabio remembered Jen's advice way back in episode two, he might have won the challenge. Cook for the judges, but really cook for Tom. Just as the fishing episode was Tom's baby, so was this episode. So I knew that once the episode was complete I had to see what explanation Tom had for why Mike got a hall pass for barely cooked pasta. To Tom's blog I went.


While this episode's theme might have been Inspiration, was it really was about was not eating. The Quickfire was only for looking, not eating. The Elimination challenge involved a restaurant 99.9% of the viewing audience will never eat at, Rao's. Ten tables, one seating a night and standing reservations that are passed down from generation to generation. Southern Italian cuisine but and that's an important but, made by Italian Americans. Here's how Tom describes his family's Sunday dinners: "We started with a salad of some sort, an antipasto. We'd next have gravy and macaroni (we never called it sauce and pasta), and we'd then have the meat that had been cooked in the gravy as our third course. We wouldn't deviate from that, be it spring, summer, fall or winter." OK, sounds like Tom's family was definitely set in their ways and those ways I think were felt in the judging. Tom's blog again: "The chefs were not asked to make Italian food , but, rather, to be inspired by what generations of Raos and Pellegrinos have done at Rao's, which is homey Italian-American food. When my father's family came over to the States from Italy, absolutely no one was importing Italian ingredients. His family had to incorporate into their cooking traditions the foods available to them here. As a result, the dishes have changed over time. People are invariably surprised when they go to Southern Italy and first sample the food, saying, "Oh, the foods very different!" Of course it is." So, if I understand what Tom is saying that while Antonia's mussels were more French than Italian the dish was still Italian-inspired enough to wow everyone at the table over Fabio's cacciatore and giving her the win. However it's the losing group that interests me more.

Mike, Dale and Tre and their pasta dishes make up the bottom three. Mike's pasta was severely undercooked, Dale's pasta did not come together and Tre's risotto was stiff. Tom says Tre's flavors were way way off and that may be but frankly Tom seems to coming down hard on Tre because of a restaurant trend that Tom doesn't particularly like. "Unfortunately for Tre, he wound up creating something that many people think risotto is supposed to be. About 15 years ago, for whatever reason, people tried to mold risotto into a ring stand. This is simply wrong. Risotto should be soupy. If you go to Italy, you'll be served it that way; ditto, a good Italian restaurant here. Tre's risotto wasn't even creamy. The starch should go into the stock and the risotto should run on a flat plate and not hold its form at all." Bourdain goes further in his explanation of a good risotto: " A good bowl of risotto is never overcomplicated with too many ingredients or garnishes. It is never buried in seafood or vegetables or mushrooms or even truffles. It is always -- and forever -- first -- about the rice. One of the most famous seafood risottos, from an island off Venice, has no seafood in it at all--just its extracted essence, delicately, delicately coaxed into broth. Attention must be paid constantly during the cooking process, first toasting the individual grains (in most cases) on the bottom of the pan, then slowly, gradually, feeding in small amounts of broth, stirring constantly to incorporate it. When finished it should be soft -- and almost porridgy, but with each distinct grain still possessing a bit of bite. It should lay flat on the plate. Never sit up in a mound. To cook Italian food well, one needs to have eaten good Italian food. And I can only guess that Tre has never eaten a good risotto. There is no shame in this -- as most risottos in most American restaurants -- even some well regarded ones -- are criminally screwed up. One of the most common transgressions is by the "genius" chef who sees risotto as a medium or delivery system for some clever and expensive garnishes -- and I suspect Tre has been subjected to more than a few of these both as a diner and during his training. His mentors did him a disservice here." So on the one hand, Tom and Tony applaud Antonia for serving a good tasting dish that was inspired by Italian cooking but auffs Tre for not adhering strictly to the Rules of Risotto? Here's my problem. I think someone who supposedly cooks pasta all the time, tells the audience about his Italian American upbringing in NJ, screws up his pasta for the Italian challenge should be going home instead of the guy from Dallas whose rice mounds instead of spreads and knows no better. I can eat stiff risotto, in fact I have eaten stiff risotto...


...Tre's risotto to be exact, back in September of 2007 when Ms. Xaxa (of the long lost and lamented blog, Amuse Biatch) and I took a little jaunt down to Dallas. As you can see, not much spreading happening and the rice is not the star, the lobster is. Was this dish popular at his restaurant? I have a feeling it was. Is it classic Italian risotto? No. But it's certainly better than what Bourdain described Mike's dish being: "It was hard, too tough and it didn't cook enough (I'm not convinced it ever could) -- as a result it never took in the sauce, and went down like a mouthful of bullets." I've tasted undercooked pasta and sent it back. It's spoils the whole dish and should be tolerated even less than stiff risotto. But what bugs me the most is Tom's insistence that Tre's culinary crime was more egregious than Mike's when Tom commits the same sort of culinary contortions. On that same trip to Dallas, Xaxa and I wanted to give Tom's Craft restaurant in Dallas a try but only had time left for Sunday brunch. Being a good southern girl, I ordered the grits to go along with my crab Benedict. What I hadn't ordered was a large glop of mozzarella cheese with the grits, having melted into a long stringy mass that sat on top like a wad of dried Elmer's glue. I realize grits hardly merit the Culinary Cross of Distinction that risotto has earned but I can think of no better way to mess with a Southerner than to mess with their grits. So perhaps Tom should get off his high Italian horse and realize most people would rather have dined on Tre's stiff risotto than Mike's bad pasta.


UPDATE: It appears that Tom heard the cries of his Southern customers and changed the Dallas Brunch menu to reflect something more appetizing. Check it.

Dang, if a stubborn old dude like Tom can change, maybe I can too. Now if Tom wants to come to Kansas City and teach me the right way to make a kick ass risotto, I'm game. It's not like there's nowhere to cook, I'm sure Lydia Bastianich wouldn't mind letting us in her restaurant for a little private lesson? Heck I bet we could even auction off some other spots for Tom's favorite charity? What say you Tom?

Out of His Hands

That was a Restaurant Wars for the ages. Lots more talk about this Restaurant Wars in the days to come but one great improvement....letting the Customers decide, not just vote, but decide who wins the Challenge. Of course, not everyone seemed happy with this twist.

It was certainly worth it to see Tom Colicchio squirm while contemplating that he would not be in control of the outcome. Too bad it wasn't a closer contest. Tom needn't have worried.

Failure to Produce

It must be pretty sweet to be nationally known celebrity judge on Top Chef. Think about Tom, Gail and Padma before Top Chef. Not really widely known outside their little spheres of influence. Now? For the most part they are celebrated and adored. With celebrity comes special treatment and attention. Assistants to make sure your tea is hot or your bottled water is cold. That your clothes are perfectly ironed and your hair is expertly styled. It's also got to be fun to work on the production crew that creates the show. You say make it happen and it happens. You say let's have a Quickfire with no utensils and and suddenly a bunch of chefs are grating cheese on a wire shelf rack and cutting a quail with a pepper mill no matter how stupid it may seem (and it was extremely stupid). But there comes a point where those folks are going to have to look in a mirror and realize they screwed up. Because let me tell you that was the most badly produced cooking challenge ever. Apparently, according to Gail Simmon's blog, it was worse than what was aired. What you didn't see was too few translators for the day of production which meant disaster when there large blocks of time without food and the on site production crew insisting hungry diners stay at their tables, failing to communicate the magic of TV and the necessity of actually having diners in the dining room. Even worse is that, without food, the diners had to watch the one special table get lots of food. The Special People. Apparently the Special People got a little uncomfortable at all the angry hungry people surrounding them who can neither eat nor leave and as angry people do world wide, started expressing their anger in loud hungry voices. Now in an interesting turnabout, the Special People seem upset that the chefs caused them embarrassment and discomfort. So much so that Chef Tom, he of the Executive Producer title, is sent down in the underground kitchen to harangue the chefs into speeding up. Here's a quote from Tom's own blog: "I simply cannot fathom the absolute lack of coordination, of planning, and of the ability to simply put out the food. When assessing the challenges, I always ask myself, “If I were down there, what would I do?” In this case, where 200 people were seated at once and the food needed to keep passing them on carts, I liken the challenge to when my cooks and I do stand-up parties with large groups. I don’t like to do passed food; I prefer the guests to have food from my restaurant. So I just do small plates with smaller versions of what the guests would have received had they been dining in the restaurant that evening. One regular dinner portion might make as many as eight smaller ones. My cooks and I put our heads down and just keep plating, plating, plating. When I showed up in the kitchen the afternoon of the dim sum challenge, however, the chefs seemed to be milling about, waiting… for something… with no plan for just pumping out plates of food. It was a disaster in the dining room, and a terrible experience for us judges." To which I say Boo Hoo Poor You because brother you are part of the reason this challenge sucked so badly especially since you insist on having that Executive Producer title next to your name. You simply can't fathom it because you still don't get this isn't a real life challenge and any expectation to treat it as such is ridiculous. It's a reality show challenge. We're not talking about your crew from your restaurant cooking the food they cook all the time. We're talking about people competing for cash and prizes. There's no one who was in that kitchen who could make anyone else move faster or plate more efficiently. How thick do you have to be to not understand this simple concept? I absolutely hate when he pulls that reasoning out of his ass. Let's face it, the production team didn't think out the challenge well enough ahead of time, they didn't scout out the location thoroughly enough especially with the logistical problems the location presented, they didn't have enough translators on hand, they totally underestimated the ability of the chefs to produce that many portions in that much time in that kitchen. They stupidly gave immunity for the challenge, they insisted on having two chefs push a freaking cart up in the dining room. That last requirement burns like no other because this is a FREAKING COOKING CHALLENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is no earthly reason why any chef has to be a server in this situation (and frankly I would have like to know what would have happened if they all refused). NONE. But Tom can't let it go without one last little dig, "So this was not our chefs’ finest moment.". No Tom, it was not Top Chef's finest moment, it was actually the second worst segment in Top Chef's eight seasons. Unless you planned on disrespecting the customers and making your chefs look like idiots. If that was the plan then MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Know Your Proteins

Looks like the good folks over at Top Chef need some flash cards to help them with their fish identification issues. There seems to be some mis-identification going on. First there's the title board for Chef Tom's Quickfire dish.


Then there's Marcel's dish using Tom's leftover fish.


So, yes, both identify Black Sea Bass as being the fish used. So here's a picture of a black sea bass.

That's a pretty distinctive looking fish, very dark in color, the tail fin is a triangular shape, not a v-shape, there's one long dorsal fin on the spine. Now check out the actual photos of Marcel cutting up the supposed black sea bass.

You play spot the differences...much more elongated head, v-shape in the tail, lighter color, the fins along the spine are much smaller. Which makes it look more like....

...a branzino or European Sea Bass. Here's a second look.

Yes, folks, that appears to be a European Sea Bass. In the grand scheme of things is this the most important mistake made in this episode? Oh hell no but what it does prove is that this blog has some very smart and very experienced readers, namely Captain Obvious who pointed this mistake out. Does the fact that you can tell the difference between these two fish make an important difference to your everyday life? Sure if you're going to the fish counter and want to make a purchase. I'm sure one costs more than the other, don't you want to buy the appropriate fish? If you order one in the restaurant, don't you want to be able to know how each fish tastes?
As for the producers of Top Chef we all know they enjoy pushing the drama aspects of the show much more than the food (unless you want to buy their cookbook, then they are all about the food to the tune of $20 - 25 depending on where you shop) but come on, you've got the Emmy now, let's not slack off completely.

Oh Come ON!

You know, for seven seasons of Top Chef, Chef Tom, either in his Bravo blog or at judge's table, always talks about how he would approach a challenge or how he would have made a successful dish. For seven seasons we obsessively anal Top Chef fans screamed for him to put his money where his mouth was. Never happened. Then Top Chef Masters happened and I thought for sure he would step up and compete. Hasn't happened yet. Then the tantalizing previews that the All Star chefs would get a chance to compete against Chef Tom. NOW that's what I'm talking about.


Well.....turns out the only thing the chefs got to compete against was Tom's cooking time. To which I call SHENANIGANS!!!!!!

It's one thing to have 10 chefs fighting over product in a refrigerator, space at a stove, or just not running into each other or camera people. It's a WHOLE nother thing to have the kitchen to yourself, the stoves or ovens to yourself and have no freaking twists like making a dish with no utensils. Questions I have: Did he know what product would be available, did he know clams would be available, did he have time to conceptualize his dish ahead of time? Who was judging his dish? Did it meet the Quickfire challenge rules?

I totally get that Tom is fast and that the whole theme of this episode was you've got to be quick but let's not forget how Tom was introduced for this little ego stroke, touted as one of the best chefs in the country. (Also note, not one of the All Stars guessed who it was, ouch!) If he's one of the best then I say, man up, put yourself against the next round of Top Chef Masters and we'll see how you do. Until then....SHENANIGANS

Ghosts of Dishes Past

How utterly delicious. The Quickfire has just finished, Team Chicago is basking in the glory of Immunity when Top Chef Minions dressed head to toe in black (what is this, Top Chef All Stars, the Dark Side?) come bearing silver domed serving trays of food.

Every jaw muscle tightens, palms begin to sweat, eyes start to roll. What is under the dome? Wild boar? Rattlesnake? Live eels???
No, it's worse. In front of each chef are the ingredients that made up the dish that sent them packing their knives. So diabolical. Because you know that each one of them replayed that last dish in their heads over and over and over.

Playing the What If game until only large quantities of alcoholic beverages can ease their weary brains. They have three hours now and two hours the next day to put in play all the changes they plotted in their heads if they could have just had a do over. Not all eighteen chefs will find peace when finished with their do over dishes but someone will win $10,000. How sweet is Immunity looking right now for the four Chicago chefs? The luckiest of the four?

Asshat and his frozen scallops. Which if I remember, was par for the course for his season, timely immunity. (Serenity NOW!) I do have to admit, seeing Rick Tramonto smack Asshat down again at Judges Table was pretty sweet.

Apparently some folks didn't think their original dish was all that bad.

This is not a good strategy but some people just won't listen. The other person who has it really tough is Stephen. Unfortunately he doesn't have Immunity to fall back on.

You see Stephen wasn't sent home for making a bad dish, he was sent home because he didn't really make a dish at all. Instead he spent his last hours on Top Chef instructing the waitstaff which wine glasses to use. I doubt he's worried very much about those dishes once he left. He'll be starting from zero. Except for his lovely shirt and tie combination. He'll always have that to fall back on. Cooking is hot and heavy and those chefs who took the original criticisms of their dishes to heart seem to be doing well.
The presentation of the Do Over Dishes happens at the Russian Tea Room.

Why the Russian Tea Room? Not a clue but here we are. Now because there are so many chefs, they divide them up into two groups for two different services. When not cooking, you'll be eating and of course, critiquing the other chefs food. This little ploy has happened in the past and normally what happens is that the weaker chefs attack whatever chef they think is their strongest competition. Not necessarily the most honest critique of a dish but always highly entertaining to the viewer to see such blatant game playing.
The two cooking hours begins for the first group and the only person who seems to be a bit in the weeds is Stephen who has three dishes to make and plate. Tiffani, in a show of Season 1 solidarity, helps Stephen get his plates to the window.

With Tiff's help, Stephen makes it before time runs out but he's not happy with the presentation of his dishes. Then again, he could have taken the Richard Blaise approach to plating and the timer.
Just ignore it. Just keep plating, Tom's not here to tell you to stop, right? What's the old phrase, It's only cheating if they catch you? There's another old chestnut, It is what it is and the eight other chefs saw it as cheating and a leg up on $200,000. If Richard really thought no one else would rat him out he's not exactly the Super Genius he thinks he is.

No reason other reason for this photo other than I think Carla is a beautiful woman and beautiful women always have a place on this blog. Not that I would ever neglect my female readers....

...I give you Mr. Tony, a man who will quickly cut into the heart of your dish, usually with a sledgehammer. (Again in all black. Who is he supposed to be, Johnny Cash?) Gird Your Loins! Back in the kitchen, a loud TV has suddenly appeared. Now the chefs nightmare is complete as they will watch their competitors either love or hate their dish in High Def.

The highs first, Blaise, Angelo, and Dale T. all seem to redeem themselves. The lows are much more brutal than the praise was soaring. Fabio seems to come into the worst of it from both Bourdain and Colicchio however all Fabio hears is Bourdain saying he really hated his dish. The cute little charmer that all the ladies loved back during his season instantly disappears to be replaced with a guy who perhaps takes his work a little too seriously. Stephen and Elia also take a lot of criticism.

Next group takes to the kitchen for their two hour cooking time.

No reason other reason for this photo other than I think this pork belly is beautiful and beautiful pork bellies always have a place on this blog. Cooking and plating for this group is quietly uneventful and frankly so are their critiques. Jen, Dale L. and Marcel get some mild words. On the up side, Casey proves she can cook pork belly, Asshat proved he can hide frozen scallops under a plethora of other ingredients, Antonia gets a split decision, Jamie conquers a dish she still hates. Onto Judges Table or, if given his way, Fabio enters the Octagon with Tony for a little mixed martial arts action.

Your top four chefs for the night but first....

...Tom kicks Blaise out of the top four for cheating. Well, really for getting caught cheating on camera. Again, not too brilliant Professor Blaise. The winner of the first elimination and for conquering his own personal demon Do Over Dish is Angelo for his revamped Homemade Ramen with Sweet Glazed Pork Belly and Watermelon.

ChaChing$$

The bottom three hold no surprises.

They are probed and prodded as to why their dishes failed. Elia didn't realize her fish was nearly raw, Stephen seems really off with his cooking skills and Fabio is just plain angry. I have to point out that all three judges has issues with Fabio's dish, not just Bourdain. Not to be outdone by Fabio and his confrontational comments, Elia leaves the judges with her own admonishment not to eliminate her, she's got so much more to show them. And she really means it. The wise man of the group, Stephen keeps his mouth shut and in the end, lives to fight another day along with Fabio. Elia has the distinct dishonor of being the first Allstar going home first.

Probably never to be seen on Top Chef again. Can you smell the burning bridges?

Next Up....Can you guess what Elmo and Cookie Monster say A is For?

Bragging Rights

Time to tuck into some All Star food. We start with the Quickfire. I have to say this is one of the few times I was happy to see a team challenge, was not looking forward to checking out eighteen dishes for the Quickfire and then eighteen for the Elim. The Quickfire requirements were very straight forward, you team up with your season's chefs to make a dish that best represents your season's location. I was curious to see what came out of the first Quickfire because they are all familiar with it and there was no money at stake. Yes there was immunity but still there was wiggle room to go crazy. Seven seasons and seven cities and twenty five minutes to cook, who do we think had the advantage? San Fran, New York, Chicago and Miami offer the most range. LA, Las Vegas and DC suffer from just not having a national food identity. That's not to say each doesn't offer some spectacular food there's just no singular dish or cuisine that sets them apart. Miami you could go Cuban or Seafood. Chicago you could go meat or go molecular gastronomy. San Fran you could go local and seasonal in a nod to Chez Paniesse and Alice Waters and New York is wide open from street food hot dogs and pretzels to the delis like Katz and Carnegie, from China Town to the Russian Tea Room, Le Bernadin and Le Cirque. Let's check out how they did.
Season One, San Francisco, Tiffani and Stephen's Cioppino Gazpacho. Cioppino is a fish stew made famous in San Francisco by combining the catch of the day into a tomato and wine based stew and accompanied by a hearty bread such as San Fran's well known sour dough bread. Looks like they took quite a bit of the hearty out of it.

Season Two, LA, Marcel and Elia's play on fish tacos, Shrimp Tacos with Guacamole in an Fresh Apple Wrapper. I love shrimp and I love fish tacos in general but the I can tell you right now it looks like there's too much Guac in proportion to shrimp especially when you're using a non-traditional taco shell.

Season Three, Miami, Tre, Dale and Casey's Pork Tenderloin with Avocado Lime Puree, Tostones, and Mango Habanero Sauce. Continuing their lovefest with all things pork while they were in Miami, looks excellent as long as the pork is nice and juicy.


Season Four, Chicago, Antonia, Dale, Richard and Asshat's Pork and Black Pepper Sausage with Mustard Ice Cream. That looks like a train wreck. I only mention this because later on in the Elim there are some plating train wrecks that were harshly called out. This was not. It should have been.

Season Five, New York, Fabio, Carla and Jamie's Trio of Apple, Ginger Curried Apple Soup, Pasta with Spicy Sausage and Caramelized Apple and Rib Eye with Apple, Walnut and Blue Cheese Slaw. Because of the Big Apple. I think I heard all of NY groan at the appearance of these three dishes.

Season Six, Las Vegas, Mike and Jen's Bucatini with Bacon Lobster Carbonara. I don't care what kind of twisted Mafia logic they used to get to this dish, I'm just glad they got there. Lobster and bacon? Be still my bacon grease riddled heart. It appears that Bravo is not posting recipes (yet?) from this season but if you want to make a close version of this try Food and Wine's 2009 version by Linton Hopkins and just add lobster.

Season Seven, DC, Angelo and Tiffany's Crabcake Essence with Rockfish, Lemongrass, Jalapeño and Old Bay. You'd think I'd be all over this with the crab and rockfish but not so much. If you were following along in our comments section (and really, speak up people, I know you've got opinions) you'd know that Angelo, for some yet unexplained reason, is wandering around with his finished rockfish, all on one plate when he's bumped by Stephen coming out of the pantry.

All the pieces of his fish end up on the floor, rendering them unusable. Suddenly they have nothing to put on the plate. So Angelo grabs more fish...

...which looks more like Trout than Rockfish that comes out of the Chesapeake Bay.

So what did they serve? Unknown, the way their dish review was edited we're never shown a closeup of what Tom and Padma tasted and Tiffany never says the word Rockfish. Fascinating.

What did Tom and Padma think? The bottom four teams are LA's Shrimp Taco from Marcel and Elia for bland shrimp and a too thin apple taco shell, San Francisco's Cioppini from Tiff and Stephen, noting the overabundance of raw garlic (perhaps in a nod to the Stinking Rose, another San Franciscan restaurant icon) Season Seven's crab and fish is pinged for a tiny bit too much salt and New York's Apple Trio from Fabio, Carla and Jamie for having three dishes that did not relate to each other except that all three made use of an apple.

Carla is not surprised nor amused.

The top three turn out to be Miami's Pork, Chicago's messy Sausage, and Las Vegas's Lobster pasta dish. Tom's favorite dish of the first Quickfire? The Chicago Allstars, more than likely for Richard Blaise's Mustard Ice Cream. All four chefs receive immunity for the Elimination Challenge and that's a good thing because they will soon be facing their nemesis that laid them all low.