We begin the second act of our culinary drama with card tricks. Why? Because apparently the theme of their Dim Sum Sunday was MAGIC!!
Or maybe it was Scary Eyes and goofy costumes, I don't know, Bravo was a bit vague in their weekly show memo. Pick a card, any card, it won't matter because each of you is getting a word to construct your dish around.
What? What is that BS? Qualities of magic? I hate this challenge already. It's the agonizing retooling of Top Chef Season 4's Improv episode where the chefs had to create dishes using word phrases like Purple Depressed Bacon and Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage as their inspiration. It was tortured then and adding the "magic" touch is not going to elevate the challenge into mastery. Nonetheless we head off to Whole Foods to watch the "illusion" of shopping.
Cheat sheets? Do Top Chef Masters really need production supplied cheat sheets? Ah the Magic of Reality-like TV.
Holy Daffy Duck, that's a huge chunk of foie gras.
If you haven't already figured it out, Shamu's judging criteria trifecta consists of crab, bacon and risotto. Finally they have spent all their money and it's time and head back to the kitchen to cook.
Gratuitous time lapse night shot.
Gratuitous Top Chef Guest Appearance.
Really, I have no clue why they thought this was necessary. He's not judging, he's not eating, he's certainly not a mentor to these chefs so I guess there's some contractual obligation he's required to fulfill. Or they're just trying to hold on to their Bear demographic.
When part of your prep work involves slathering burnable things with Sterno, you might have a problem. With wand waving and packing of magical kettles (and hopefully fire extinguishers) packed away, the chefs head for the Magic Castle.
After much silliness with moving portrait eyes and magic doors the chefs finally arrive at their kitchen for the night and final prep begins.
Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our winner for the Mark "The Bird" Fidrych Award of the Culinary World. I present Ms. Anita "Speaks to Seafood" Lo.
Hurry up Anita, your diners await.
One of which is the very funny Neil Patrick Harris. If you only think of him as Doogie Howser then you're missing out on his Harold and Kumar work and the very funny Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. He seems to be one of the few child actors who successfully made the transition to adult entertainment work. (We won't hold the magic thing against him.)
Mark is up first with his Mystery Dish. I really like that he made the diners work for their surprise. Who doesn't like lovely little grab bags of food?
Tai Snapper En Papillote with a glaze of Lobster and shellfish stock, Garlic Mashed Potatoes and Leeks, Scallion Oil and Dassai Sake. Mark is a talented showman and his presentation and food of Mystery is very well received.
John is up next and immediately puts Neil to work creating the magic of horseradish and crème fraîche sorbet with liquid nitrogen. Neil, however, seems more concerned that no peas and carrots are frozen or harmed in this experiment.
John presents Salmon Tartare with Cauliflower Blini, Cucumber Salmon Roe salad with the aforementioned sorbet and Tempura Fried Lobster wrapped in Smoked Salmon. The sorbet doesn't hit it off with anyone but the diners feel he hit the "Surprise" element of the challenge. I'm not surprised that my mouth is watering at the thought of Lobster Tempura wrapped with smoked salmon.
Anita goes next and I have a feeling the plating of this dish worked more in person than it did as television because I'm not getting the vibe of the presentation. Although I do have to say it's a fascinating reinterpretation of Surf & Turf and the integration of her word, Illusion. Daikon with Kombu Caviar, Steak Tartare with Seafood broth and oysters, mussels and clams. The diners are mostly positive except for a lone daikon exception.
Back in the kitchen, lighting of the Pink Flaming Spectacle that is Douglas's presentation begins. I know he was dead set on that flame but the smell and appearance of Sterno is not all that appetizing.
Duck 4 ways, from left to right, Oyster Cerviche with Duck Broth, Empanada with Foie Gras and Figs, Duck Breast on Butternut Squash puree, and last, the Duck Confit, Duck broth, young Coconut and cilantro. Everyone gets the "spectacle" of his presentation but were not exactly impressed.
Time to face the Judges.
Have I mentioned how much I love having Gail Simmons on this show? Even if she is just singing the Itsy Bitsy Spider song? I know it's not fair to compare the two Gails (Gael) but more and more I'm getting the feeling that Gael Greene is much more vibrant on paper than the picture we're getting on Top Chef Masters. She's been very polite, gracious and refined. Which is nice if you're at a tea party but it's been my impression that they chose her to judge because she was a no holds barred sort of gal when she was a food critic in NY. Not so much here. Gail Simmons on the other hand will tell you right to your face that your eggs were rubbery and nasty. I always get the feeling that Gail
wants chefs to do their best but won't hesitate to tell them they didn't while Gael hasn't tapped into that passion and experience yet. I'm hoping she's taking notes because Gail Simmons is the one to watch, hat or no hat.
Judging runs along much the same lines as the Quickfire except that John actually completed all his dishes this time around. John and Douglas fall a bit short and Mark looks like he's giving Anita a run for the money but in the end she's the one who will move onto the next round.
That is if she can avoid being crushed in this group hug by her former competitors...
Here's our first glimpse of Gael in her Episode 1 hat. Little known fact, Gael does not wear a hat when she dines in a restaurant she's going to review. She's saved that special treat just for us. I feel I must point out, as I did early in the season, this is reality TV. Seeing everyone's facial expressions is important. It's important because we cannot taste or smell the food. We're relying on the people on the show to tell us about the food. It's not about covering half your face with a hat more appropriate for a wake.
Ah yes, here we have Episode 2's Black Feathered Darma Bucket hat with accompanying Beating Bird Heart Broach. I kept waiting for the Smoke Monster to rise up and snatch it from her head but sadly my inner producer goes unfulfilled.
Episode 3's hat doesn't bother me nearly as much. Why? Because we're outside, it's a cool day and a hat seems totally appropriate AND she's standing up which means the poor camera man doesn't have to use the Gael angle to get any sort of decent shot of her face. The woman has a great smile....when we get to see it. Sadly the hat is just a tan version of Episode 1's version. If she had a decent set of gays advising her this would never happen.
Episode 4's Slouchy Magic Hat. It almost looks like a squeezebox for her head.
Episode 5 gives us the second red hat with extra wide brim.
This episode seems to have been a battle between Gael's natural inclination to wear her hat down over her eyes and some poor producer directing her to wear it angled back more on her head. I call that battle a draw but you know it wasn't easy to even get that concession.
Episode 6 has Gael breaking from her red hat pack into what looks like an oddly shaped, hot and heavy, face obscuring chapeau. When asked why she doesn't wear wigs or disguises when she's out reviewing a restaurant, Gael claims wigs are too tight and hot to wear for three hours. I can't imagine this hat was any cooler under the hot television production lights.
The first round of the Championship brings another bellowy, slouchy hat seemingly color coordinated with James' outfit. I'm also noticing a hat to blouse slouch ratio that was probably unintended. At least I hope it was unintended.
Round Two of the Championship sees a repeat of Epi 4's hat with a green lizard chaser. C'mon, Hat Up Woman, it's the Championships. Not only does she repeat, she gets outhatted by this little cutie patootie.
This is a woman who knows how to get her face on TV. Bravo, unnamed Friend Of Zooey, cute hat, cute outfit and we can see your face.
Does she hat up for Round Three of the Championship? No, just another repeat of Epi 3's hat but with the bead bobbers prominently placed at the front. And we're back to hiding our face. Boooo!
You would be wrong because all we get another red repeater. I feel so used. There you have it, ladies and gay gentlemen. Not exactly Coyote Ugly but then again, I guess we should count our blessings. It could have been a lot worse.
The Hostess. I've pretty much ignored Top Chef Master's hostess mostly because she's a glorified announcer who sometimes eats. It's only on the finale that I caught her using the now patented Padma Lakshmi Food Inhalation System. I love Padma if only because she gives good blogger material but I have to say if Padma didn't LOVE eating so much I'd want to kick her skinny ass to the curb. That's what I want to see from every single judge, critic and yes, hostess doing, eating the food. If Padma can get through sampling all the Quickfires and all the Elimination dishes and still look that good then sister, so should Kelly.
Respect I have to say I was saddened by Michael's "attitude" concerning the past winners of Top Chef judging his food. Sad for two reasons. First, don't ever forget your paying customers, even if you think they don't have the knowledge to judge your food. Second, how about a little respect for those 5 individuals. Don't get me wrong, Rick, Michael and Hubert have all earned the respect due them. Top Chef Masters treated all their chefs much better in every way possible than the previous 5 seasons worth of Top Chef contestants. Were the Masters challenges harder? Perhaps but let's remember if not for the Harolds and the Hungs, the Michaels and the Ricks wouldn't be competing at all. And before you three gentlemen start patting yourselves on the back for "making it through" just remember you didn't compete and live with 15 other chefs, spend hours in the stew room with nothing but beer or water to drink, shoot 12 - 16 hour days for multiple weeks. You didn't have the camera on you 24/7. You never had Tom wake you at oh dark thirty and hustle you out for a Quickfire. You had no twist whatsoever for your finale. While I'm very happy that Top Chef Masters was about the food, you still owe a debt of gratitude to the chefs that came before you, not disparage them as some sort of twist to your strategy.
Judging I'm not sure what I expected from the judging. I do know what we got was very polite and adoring praise. When the harshest comments you get comes from Gael's suspicious nature towards foam (and who would have thought that) as opposed to say....Wolfgang Puck throwing your donut across the room? Certainly there's got to be a middle ground for these critics. How many cutaways did we see of chefs sweating Gael ripping into them. If that happened they must be saving it for Top Chef Masters - the Lost episode. I'm not sure Gael's the one you want to anchor this team. Make Gail Simmons your lead judge here. She won't hesitate a moment to tell you exactly what she thinks of the dish. Maybe Ruth Reichl or Patricia Wells. Whomever you get I want to see hot judging arguments, I want the judging passion match to the cooking intensity. I certainly don't want the cold fish that we were ultimately served. I do have to say that apparently critics find it much easier to criticize from the safety of their computer keyboards than to truly face a chef and tell him his food tasted like caramelized crap. If that's the case here then certainly they should audition some more courageous critics. I think the chefs can handle it.
