Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Iron Chef - Gardengate

The Food Network, having seen Bravo kick it's sorry ass in the TV Food Wars, finally reached deep into it's bag of tricks to yank out something, ANYTHING to bring a little respectability to a network chock full of cleavage clutter. (Taking that Boob Tube moniker just a little too seriously there, aren't cha Food Network?)So they looked out into their stable of Culinary Nags and decided that Iron Chef America would be the perfect vehicle to hatch their plans of world food tv domination.What was the light bulb over their collective producing heads to counter one of best seasons ever of Top Chef? Stunt casting.
That's right, a White House Episode complete with the First Lady. I'm not sure which is worse, Batalli's Orange Crocks or Shelly O's Orange Frock but frankly that's a discussion better suited for the Boyz over at TLo. No, we're here to eviscerate Gardengate. You see the whole premise of this particular episode (...ratings...) of Iron Chef America was to promote the worthy cause of fighting obesity (...fighting a ratings war...) and eating fresh and healthy vegetables (...smacking Bravo upside it's foodie noggin...). Part of the two hour show was following chefs Batali, Flay, Emeril Lagasse and Cristeta Comerford as they posed purposefully in the White House garden, digging up radishes and choosing what they wanted to cook with. Now I didn't see this part of the show, I happened to catch them in Kitchen Stadium just before they started cooking during which they said they would be using vegetables from the White House garden. Because I'm one of those annoying behind the scenes, wondering how they did that sort of gal, my mind immediately wondered if they had moved Kitchen Stadium to DC from their normal shooting grounds of NY? Or did they rush the precious veggies to NY on the Food Network Private Jet (talk about possible carbon footprint implications)? No, according to Marian Burros's New York Times piece they used Stunt Double veggies. Thus making all the silliness of Chefs in the White House Garden a big fat stinking lie.

What's next? That Giada's breasts aren't real?(I demand a thorough, hands on investigation immediately)

And like all good feel good stories gone bad...you just never know when the veggies are going to turn on you and bite you in the ass.

Salad courtesy of Till Nowak

35 comments:

Making Space said...

I liked the dress and the crocs. What?! Perhaps I was just in a state of low oxygen from the cleavage though...

So this was a throw-all-the-spaghetti-at-the-wall publicity stunt to see what might stick? As usual your commentaries are so entertaining I have no need to order cable to watch the actual shows. (I kept typing shoes)

Diva! DON'T LOOOOOOK!!!!!!!

Dani said...

Ha! We were wondering about the veggies too.

Boobage! Seems like they're a pretty popular pair. John even found a haiku about Giada's breasts.

Big Shamu said...

Only one haiku about Giada's breasts? I wouldn't be surprised if someone wrote an Iliad-like homage to the Boobage. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Dani said...

Long live the boobage!!

Kathryn said...

Love your blog - found it through Dani! I watched the "Worst Cook" show the other night and enjoyed it even more than either of the other two contests. There are some pretty bad cooks on there. I'm sorry, boobage or not, Giada's smile gets to me after awhile, as does Paula's accent. Love your take on Top Chef and totally agree (most of the time). Take care, K (aka Mad Beach Maven)

Boxer said...

that last picture is going to keep me up for the next few nights.

**shudder**

Big Shamu said...

Welcome Kathryn, glad to see you step out of your lurker status. I too caught a little bit of Worst Cook but didn't linger long enough to get the sense of the program. Guess I'll be checking it out. Look forward to hearing more from you.

What's wrong Boxer, not a fan of Eggplant? I don't see any Beets so I think you're safe. However I think this creature has been in contact with Chefs Leek and Beets. You might be getting a visit...

intuitive eggplant said...

I happen to love that photo :)

Big Shamu said...

I bet you do Eggy, good to see you!!

LaDivaCucina said...

The veggie alien is AWESOME!

However, I am highly affronted by the image of a "C" on your site!! I thought I made it very clear to everyone that I don't want to see any more "c's" in the New Year!!! tsk tsk. The more we post them and the more we talk about them, the more they grow and linger in our subconscious. Please, no more freakin' "c's!!!"

As for the show, I thought it was odd they were back at the studio kitchen too and wondered why they even bothered the First Lady at all? And I also thought to myself, why the f*ck does Bobby Flay give a rat's what the First Family like if they aren't going to eat it? Stupid. I was glad to see Emeril risk overcooking the roast in the deep fryer and then having to braise it to cook it inside. Nice to see pros make mistakes too, although that looks completely nervewracking to me.

PS: I'm up for the snow day challenge early!

Big Shamu said...

What...? The Crocs? There was no way I could not point out just how silly the man looks in those things. Does anyone remember the kerfluffle a few years ago when some women's collegiate volleyball team showed up for a White House appearance with the President (2nd Bush I think)with some team members in flip flops? He looks sillier.

LaDivaCucina said...

I know and Batali said he doesn't give a f*ck! "I like fashion on other people." Ok, I get it. And many chef wear clogs. But still, rubber shoes or any plastic shoe makes your feet sweat. ANd they are bright. And fugly. And I HATE shorts on men unless they are at the beach or live someplace warm!! NOT while cooking, NOT at work and NOT flying. It really bugs me!

Did you see my plea on your last post? Consider please!

thombeau said...

Hooray for hooters!!!

moi said...

Y'all know how you can tell Giada's boobs are real? Cause they actually DON'T look like cantelopes.

Big Shamu said...

OK Giada's are real but is anyone else scared of Sandra Lee?

LaDivaCucina said...

I see Sandra Lee has moved off Food Network and is on another channel now...which one, I can't remember! While I think her attention to detail is impressive (creating those matching tablescapes) I find her matchy-matchy style to be too much. Who has the room, money and time for all that. And she buys freakin' frozen chopped onions. I mean, how lazy do you have to be to buy those?

But now there is another PYT on the Food Network, some little Mexican chick that looks all of 14. Are they hiring these chicas right out of culinary school? Is it cheaper for them to get these "lifestyle hostesses" and content as opposed to hiring real chefs?

Boxer said...

Sandra Lee has moved to HGTV. I tried to watch her show, but her voice kinda creeps me out. Plus, she's from my part of the world and stiffed Mr.Boxer's company many moons ago so she's banned.

btw, interesting note... all Mr. Boxer could really remember is the sales guys REALLY REALLY liked taking her (and her assets) out to lunch. This was when she owned a small bakery, so I'm guessing those girls are real.

Boxer said...

p.s. I buy frozen chopped onions and I'm REALLY lazy. bwahahahahaha.

LaDivaCucina said...

sigh.....

Boxer, Boxer, Boxer. What will we do with you?!

Off to make a pineapple bourbon upside down cake for dessert, going to neighbor's for dinner! byeeee...

Boxer said...

I called Mr. Boxer to get the correct info on Sandra Lee and her breasts; she did not own a bakery, but was working on a project through another company she owned. AND she did stiff them for thousands. Many thought she had a rich husband who had bought her a new pair of breasts. I said "your sales guys actually discuss that stuff?" He said "and you're calling me to ask because??" bwahahahaha.

Big Shamu said...

OK, so it's settled. Giada - Real.
Sandra - Fake. HGTV moving into Cleavage Clutter Realm.

So Boxer, what is she wearing on her new HGTV show. If you need to research, mute the TV or ask Mr. Boxer to tell us if she's showing more, about the same, or less boobage as she did on Food Network.


Somehow I thought this post would be more outraged by FN and WH lies instead we've been consumed by boobage. Perhaps I need to start putting up some different sort of food porn?

LaDivaCucina said...

Consumed by boobage...and those damn shoes!!!!! I bet you'd get a lot more hits if you added regular boobage to your posts!

(And remember, Missy, YOU started this!!! haha!)

Boxer said...

she was wearing a tight white sweater, but it's HGTV so it's PG all the way. Her voice is the thing that gets me. It's just so, smoooooth.

*shudder*

Aunty Belle said...

ooooh, what a juicy thread.

First the FN stunt: gag. Unappetizin' concept, Battali is the silliest lookin' actual chef I can think of. I could almost fergive his crocs iffin' they wuz mud brown--but orange? uh thas' "oranch".

Politics of lyin' about sustainable gardenin' aside Mrs O is a fashion horror--(see Aunty's BACK Porch fer another display of it) Her ensemble? who put that together, a color deprived two year old who finally got into the finger paint? Ick!

On the breasts, ain't it odd? Who does they think is watchin' the FN? How come they ain't made sure we had equal exposure of he male chefs--oh wait, that would dangerous in the kitchen.

I luv the eggplant alien!

Aunty Belle said...

Oh, an' I agree--Sandra Lee creeps me out too--She is like a manic Stepford Wife. But I IS SHOCKED that she stiffed Mr. Boxer! I thought she growed up poor and made good, so now she stiffs folks so they can be poor?

moi said...

"My name is Eggplant Alien and me EAT way-too-twee Sandra and her inflated . . . ego, and chomp chomp chomp anyone who dresses in matchy-matchy Romper Room colors."

K9 said...

put sandra lee in a vinyl nurse outfit and youve got a hit horror movie.

Big Shamu said...

I'm surprised Bravo didn't snap her up as one of their Real Housewife Nags.

Making Space said...

Dude. I TOTALLY missed that the first photo was of Sandra Lee. Woah! ROFL By way of expiation of my sins I shall now sing:

LOOOOOK AT MEEEEE I'M SANDRA LEEEE, LOUSY WIIIITH MATCHING BOOOOOBIES!

Also. I love Crocs. I know, Moi and Civa just fainted dead away. Sorry. My crocs are not the clog style ones, but I lurv 'em.

There. Wreaking havoc on musical theatre and fashion all at once.

Making Space said...

Diva not Civa. Oy.

moi said...

Bwahahahahaha! That ditty's gonna play in my head all day now.

As for the Crocs: 's okay, Space. Ten minutes with Moi and we'll get you in a pair of comfy AND cute Borns and you'll never go back to Crocs again :o)

LaDivaCucina said...

Sounds like we need a "C" intervention quick-smart!!! I'll book us three tix to Hawaii.

Sham, you can hold MS down while Moi gently removes the "c" shoes. Meanwhile, I'll shovel pasta down her throat to occupy her and prevent her from screaming.

Once we get past the difficult stage and Moi puts some cute shoes on her feet, she'll thank us and never go back to those....SHUDDER... "shoes."

Booking tix now....

Big Shamu said...

Hmmmmm.....Hawaii....mmmmmmmmmm.

Making Space said...

ROFL You freaks. I will totally shop with Moi if she'll sing with me. And the scenario painted by Diva leaves me somewhat breathless, so yeah, totally bring that on!

In related news, OrcaGirl, I'm UP for the DSS!! http://makingspacethejourneyout.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/dim-sum-sunday-snowy-day/

Woohoo!

K9 said...

die crocs, die! have you seen the high heel ones. please NO NO NO! stinky plastic shoes are very very wrong.