Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Moment Many of Us Have Been Waiting For

So when we last saw our chefs, Kevin had just won the Quickfire and was contemplating his role as the new face of Schwann's.Padma reveals that for the Elimination Challenge the chefs will be taking over Tom's Las Vegas outpost of his chain of Craftsteak restaurants. Men gather to ponder their meat.But wait. Here's Tom with a guest.Natalie Portman. Seems to brighten Mike I's day.But the happiness doesn't last long because Natalie is a vegetarian.
That's not sugar she's saying. It could have been a lot worse. It could have been......Zooey Deschanel, the actress who showed up on Top Chef Masters and went much deeper in her food avoidance system than Natalie did. It looked like Natalie will at least eat dairy and wheat products. So it's back to the walk ins to rejigger everyone's menu plan of attack.
They seemed to have had a excellent choice of vegetables to play with but considering the dishes that eventually emerged, I'm not sure why we didn't see more uses of pasta or grains?
Cooking commences and everyone seems calm. In another of his oh so witty asides, Mike I claims that he'll cook anything, like for instance, dogs.Always a smart method of drawing customers to your restaurant, Mike. Cooking pets. Notice how he didn't claim he could cook anything well. Which brings us to The Wobbly Pot.Mike I. apparently picked a pot that did not have a level bottom to boil his leeks in. Unlevel bottom means less surface contact with your heat and less heat means it takes longer for the water to boil. Generally when you start blaming the equipment you chose to cook your food in, you should expect a red flag of failure to start flying.Another sign of how these chefs lose their minds during these challenges was perfectly stated by Robin when she said "I'm great at vegetarian food and why do I try something new?" Why did she try to do a totally new dish? Some chefs can pull it off but most cannot.
Service seems to run smoothly, no major disasters unless you count Tom playing straight man for some cock jokes.

No surprise there, Padma enjoying a good cock joke.

Off to Judge's Table where the top three are:Eli's Confit of Eggplant, Lentils, Garlic Puree and Radish Salad
Kevin's Smoked Kale and MushroomsMike V.'s Asparagus Salad, Japanese Tomato Sashimi and Banana Polenta

Having exhausted cock jokes...
...Natalie moves to pot jokes.No surprise there, Padma enjoying a good pot joke.

All three dishes are well received despite Mike's sacrilege of putting banana in polenta but it's Kevin again with the win with his much more substantial and not very pretty Smoked Kale dish. For winning yet again, Kevin's prize is suite of GE appliances like they've been using in the Top Chef kitchen. I just have to point out that he's just won a prize of equal worth for a 10th episode Elim Challenge win that Season One's Harold won as part of his Season winning Top Chef prize. If you don't think Season One contestants got hosed in the prize/money category, I have some chefs that would like to talk to you. It's not only the past chefs who are singing the I Got Hosed Blues.My goodness, someone's got his big pouty face on. I guess all that Restaurant Wars praise went straight to his head. What he doesn't realize is that Kevin is kicking his ass if you add up wins. Kevin has 4 Elimination wins and 3 Quickfires to Michael's 1 Quickfire and 2 Elims. While Michael stews in a corner, Jen, Robin and Mike I face the judges for having the losing dishes.
Robin's Stuffed Squash Blossom, Beet Carpaccio, Fresh Garbanzo Beans and Chermoula Mike's Whole Roasted (I'm pretty sure these were boiled) Leeks with Onion Jus, Baby Carrot Puree, and Fingerling PotatoJen's Charred Baby Eggplant, Braised Fennel, Tomatoes and Verjus Nage

Mike's defense of his dish is....well...really no defense at all.

Although I am detecting a strong aroma of crazy.
LOOK, Tom smells it too! Of course Mike just can't comprehend his dish being worse than Robin's dish. Of course the way she rambled and rattled on was very much like her plate, a lot of stuff that didn't connect the dots. Padma then questions Jen on her use of time and how it was reflected in her dish. Tom calls it almost a garnish. Now, I have to point out the silliness of this criticism because look at the top dishes and tell me how Eli and Michael's dishes are so much more substantial than Jen's dish? Now look at Bryan's dish.Other than she was shaky serving her sauce, I don't hear if the dish tasted bad or not? Still she doesn't help herself with her non-defense of her dish. This kind of attitude pisses the judges off just as much as Gail pointing out Mike's belief that his dish won't send him home.Oh so wrong Mike. Please do not pass go and head straight for the Condo of Shame where you belong. Karma says she hopes you enjoyed her little visit to your dreams of Top Chefdom.

Next up?
Breakfast in bed with two hot women.


Making Space said...

So the pig in a diaper guy is going home?

All those dishes looked - weird... but then I make biscuits out of a can so take that for what it's worth...

You're totally cribbing from Dorothy Snarker again. Well done though the last couple of days she's been makin' e snore. Tsk.

Making Space said...

I mean to say: Well done - the last couple of days she's been makin' me snore. Perhaps I am snoring as I type this very post.

Dani said...

Natalie Portman *sigh*.....be still my heart.

Big Shamu said...

I think Dorothy is on a well deserved vacation. Plus once the lesbians are gone, Top Chef just isn't the same for her.

Hmmmm, Natalie.

moi said...

Natalie's cute, but come on ladies, seriously? More than a day and that Hollyweird control over every last little thing that she forks into her mouth would get awfully trying.

Big Shamu said...

I bet I could get her to eat.

moi said...

Well, you do have amazing powers of redirection of the brain away from shiny objects at Nordstrom's, so maybe, just maybe, you could turn a fussy celebretard into a foodie.

Hey . . . I think I smell a reality television show. "Flip that Celebrity!" Bwhahahahahahahaha!

Making Space said...

Oh dear! My apologies for the use of the word "cribbing." I know you find your own sources and cite as any professional photographer would. I saw the photo on DS and also here and my cyber-mouth moved before my brain engaged.

This may have been because of the effect the photo had on me... but that's not an excuse. So sorry!

Dani said...

She doesn't have to eat, just stand there and look pretty. ;)