Hi I'm Top Chef Masters and I might be an Alcoholic...

The boys are back in town...
Yes, six returnees from Season One, each with something to prove. From left to right we have Mark Peel, Graham Elliot Bowles, Rick Moonen, Wylie Dufresne, Ludo Lefebvre, and Jonathan Waxman. Six very competitive men, reeking of testosterone. Will they come to blows? I doubt it, I mean it's not like we're watching an episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Still the Quickfire or How to get Lubed at 8 in the morning is not helping matters.

Gak. I'm screwed. The challenge is to pair Stolichnaya vodka drinks with a dish the chefs create. Now if you read the comments of my earlier post, you've come to a couple of conclusions. One, the real hard core drinkers don't read this blog and two, those who do drink don't drink mixed drinks with their dinner. Appetizers...maybe. Maybe the judges will be articulate and astute consumers of fine food and vodka drinks?

DAMN! Doubly screwed. Orange County Housewives. Don't be surprised if they expect Botox Chasers after dinner. Oh yeah...

...Judge Gael Greene hiding her face in shame at having to share a table with the OC Wives (good god that thing on her head looks like an overly starched napkin stolen from La Cage Aux Folles). Back to the boys in the kitchen.

With their drinks chosen and their little silver shakers (coming soon to a Top Chef Shop near you) in hand, the chefs have 45 minute to cook their dish.

Cooking begins...

...imbibing continues.

You know it's getting bad when the Gadget King can't handle a simple blender. Perhaps it's time for....A TWIST! A QuickFire Top Chef Masters Kitchen Sobriety Checkpoint*.

If you don't pass the nice California Highway Patrolman takes away your knives.

Meanwhile Jonathan Waxman has finishes his dish 20 minutes early,

while Wylie channels the kids from Glee with his attempt at Jazz Hands.

(Stick with the cooking gig Wylie) Did he really pass the TC Master Kitchen Sobriety Checkpoint?

Rick just wants to mess with the Frenchman's head.

Which is not that hard to do.

Jonathan relaxes while the rest of the chefs scurry madly around the kitchen. Finally Happy Hour is up and they head for the judges table. Which I will refuse to show you. The bimbos of the OC get too much TeeVee time as it is so no Bimbos for you.

Which is a good thing because the Bimbos nearly unhinge Ludo.

But I will show you the food.

Graham - Coriander Mule

Crudo of Black Cod with an Edamame and Red Onion Salad

Jonathan - Lemongrass Mojito

Pork Tenderloin and Poblano Stuffed Shrimp with Avocado Butter

Ludo - Nutmeg Apple Mojito

Roasted Pork Chop with Rosemary, Thyme and Garlic

Rick - Forest Fruits

Cream Biscuit Berry Shortcake

Wylie - Russian Tea Room

Artic Char with Lentils, Bacon, Crispy Potatoes and Lemon Yogurt

Mark - Ginger Figgle

Mussel Custard with Lime and figs

I'm not going to pretend to know how these dishes matched up to their drinks. I will say everyone scored well but there was one chef who scored a perfect 5 stars.

That's right, the man who finished 20 minutes early, Jonathan Waxman. He assumed correctly that a smaller more appetizer-like dish would appeal much more to the Bimbos than a heavy pork chop or an overly sweet dessert. Kudos to Jonathan.

Next up, Pub Grub.

*This Imaginary QuickFire Twist has been brought to you by the Imaginary Voices in Big Shamu's Head.