Top Chef Reunion All Star Dinner

Sooo? What was that? This thing called Top Chef Reunion? It wasn't a competition. No money (none that was revealed) was awarded for charity or for chefs. They cooked. They talked. They drank. They ate. I yawned. What did they (the producers) think would happen? That each chef would dance their own personal version of the Top Chef Angry Monkey dance?

OK, Marcel danced a little. But really, it was pretty tame.

My only hope was that the wine flowed early and often.Although my girl Tiff easily beat out Carla for Best TV Face for the night and came up with a new phrase to describe Stefan as a Lesbian Opportunivore......a description that Stefan obviously adores.Oh sure, they relived some of the better moments and certainly some of the worst but was anything resolved? Nothing new was revealed regarding Clippergate. Casey and Carla seem to have no hard feelings towards each other but Casey never explained Caseygate and the harsh comments she made to a Dallas blog. So who came out looking the worst?That's right, Fabio. If this is the future of hosting Bravo TV shows, we're all screwed. It's FOOD Fabio, not foot. Still there was some delicious looking food and who had the most delicious, well thought out food?That's right, Marcel and Ilan, working together as a team and making a great dish that was still warm by the time the boys cracked that dome of salt. Nice job guys.

Will they do another Top Chef Reunion dinner? Most likely since there's still Spit Swappers Hosea and Lea, Anger Management Dale, I'm no leader Sam and Asshat Spike left to sit down and break bread together. Oh boy!

Are You a Loyal Top Chef Fan?

If you watched this last episode, you saw a new little twist to the Quickfire. An audience participation twist. That is you could participate if you happened to be on Bravo's website and stumbled upon this poll during the last season of Top Chef. Apparently enough of you did because you helped choose what the Quickfire Ingredient would be used for this episode.Why you didn't pick snake is beyond me but that's a post for another day. What fascinates me is that it made it sound like they did it live when in fact this episode was filmed months ago. But the funniest thing about this was Padma's sulky explanation that "To reward our many loyal fans, for the first time in six seasons we've given them the chance to pick today's Quickfire ingredient....57% of the vote went to cactus" Reward?? Seriously, did she say reward their loyal fans??? That's it? Oh hell to the no she didn't.

Let's review. Six seasons of Top Chef, one season of Top Chef Masters. As a loyal fan, my cohort and I started blogging at the offseason after the end of Season 1.

We had a thing for Harold Dieterle (still do). We poked fun at judges....
...and producers.
Contestants certainly weren't immune to our photochoppy fingers.

We have a bizarre obsession with Pirates and Monkeys.

We suffered through the Curse of Season Two and the Plague of Gates (Lycee, Toothbrush, Clipper).
We even have a lingering mystery.
Who did this for their audition tape? (Shamu's money is on Hung)

We come back season after season. Why? Because we're Top Chef Crack Monkeys. We bitch, we complain, we moan but we always watch. So I think it's pretty safe to say we're loyal fans. So if you think we're even because you gave us the opportunity to spend 99¢ to text in our vote to choose between snake, cactus or kangaroo, you are in serious need of rehab. You know what that covers? One episode of watching any asshat who cared more about what was on his head than what was on the plate. Or maybe 5 instances of Tom saying something isn't seasoned properly. It sure as hell doesn't come close to even for making us watch this doofus.So when you're serious about rewarding loyal fans we'll be right here. Wearing our "It's Not Crap on a Plate" t-shirt and fiddling with our conch dicker. Waiting. For our Reward. Or Godot. (Not that it matters because we suspect the results will the same.)