Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Going Too Far


What is wrong with people these days? What makes them think they can improve on a wonderfully simple thing? I present to you today the stupidly named S'More To Love STL-600 S'More Maker. This, people, THIS is why America is going to hell in a handbasket. Because big corporate companies like the maker of the S'More To Love STL-600 S'More Maker hates the Girl Scouts of America!

There are certain memories and rituals you just don't mess with. If you've ever been a Boy or Girl Scout, more than likely you went camping. You got to sleep in a tent. You got to swim in a lake. You got a cool knife.

OK, maybe it wasn't exactly the knife you really wanted...


...but the point is that you learned how to safely use a knife without slicing off any important digits you might need later in life. You also learned how to whittle down sharp ends of a long stick to roast marshmallows and build the fire to roast those marshmallows.


These are important character building exercises. It's important to know if you will you be a whiny, smoke gets in your eyes, crybaby, or will you be a campfire warrior who will accept nothing less than a smoking char of a marshmallow, who would really rather be off practicing her knife throwing skills in the dark? (Apparently some of us were more suited to Xena, Warrior Princess Camp)


S'More were messy. Your marshmallow might have bits of burned bark embedded in it, it might have dirt on it but you still smashed it between a layer of Hershey's chocolate and two graham crackers and enjoyed every bite of it's charred goodness. You were camping in the great dirty outdoors. You were supposed to get filthy. You were supposed to go home dirty and grime encrusted, so much so that your mother could read the hieroglyphics of whether you had a good time by the grunge stains in your clothes. She could wonder at the your bloody knees, not that you hurt yourself but that you could still draw blood through the thick scars from all the knee scraps that came before. But now the makers of STL-600 want to take that all away.

"No more dirty campfires and burnt marshmallows - this innovative treat-maker allows you to make 6 tasty S'mores in just minutes."

Heathens!!! Dirty campfires and burnt marshmallows are American as apple pie and fried chicken. It's like spitting on the flag....and not just any flag...


...but like spitting on the Star Spangled Banner Flag. So take your cheap geegaw and melt it down into something useful, like a cast iron skillet.


We can never have too many of those.

12 comments:

MakingSpace said...

I want to go to Xena Warrior Princess camp.

Notice you found a way to work bacon even into a rant about smores. Well done.

Big Shamu said...

Yes. Hmmmm...wonders if bacon smores are good....

froggy said...

The Engineer says the key to scouts is for the kids to feel like they are doing something dangerous when they are really fairly safe.

That said the man, this weekend, is leading a hike 2 miles down a lava tube at Mt. St. Helen's. Another group will be climbing the mountain... the most currently active volcano on our side of the Pacific Rim.

Also impressed with the bacon finish.

Big Shamu said...

OK hiking down lava tubes of an active volcano beats tornado sirens any day.

MakingSpace said...

Bacon smores? Wicked. Worth a try.

Dani said...

What the hell?!

Susan said...

thought of you

Three Little Pigs Sammy (snort)

www.brooklynwarehouse.ca/Site/Lunch.html

Buzz Kill said...

That smores maker looks like it would be a runny mess. Cleaning that thing would be twice as much work as making them the old fashioned way.

I agree with Froggy on making scouts seem dangerous when it's one of the safest organizations around. Kids love danger. Anything with fire, knives or rope gets their attention. And the leaders go through all kinds of training these days.

I wonder what kind of "tramping" that girl scout manual is talking about?

Big Shamu said...

Dani, it's just not right.


Susan, you know the way to my cholesterol laden heart.

Buzz, I saw your latest on Pudge's adventures at Boy Scout Camp and I don't know if the Girl Scouts of today are more adventurous but they were pretty tame back in my day. I would have loved to learn rappelling and rock climbing.

froggy said...

Oh, so agree with girls and what they should be allowed to do.
We coached OM/DI for years. I have a picture of one of the girls on the team welding. She had forgotten her coat so got my grandmother's old muskrat fur coat out of the dress-up box, paired with her pink and purple shirt, teeny hairdo and her welder's mask - she made a picture of girl power!

Big Shamu said...

WELDING??? Not just welding, but Team Welding. What a great thing to teach girls.

froggy said...

For anyone who is interested - the full name is Destination Imagination and involves creative problem solving, improv problem solving and presenting solutions before judges and an audience.

The kids built catapults, crossbows, a pirate ship, a roller coaster for tennis balls, a wheel of fortune and dressed up as dust bunnies among other things.

A huge time commitment for kids, parents and coaches but well worth it.