Sustenance

So the finale of Top Chef Masters was close. Very, very close. Marcus Samuelsson won by a half a star, not that you could tell by the editing. Since the exit of both Jonathan Waxman and Susan Feniger, the finale held little interest to me. There was no excitement, no unexpected twist to look forward to, just 3 men cooking the stories of their lives. The editing led viewers to think one thing (Marcus's third dish sounded like the most criticized of the night) when in fact something else happened. I think I've finally figured out my malaise with the Top Chef franchise - FMF or Fan Manipulation Fatigue. For instance...check out these quotes from Jay Raynor's blog.

"... No, I was nervous because I had absolutely no idea whether the producers and editors had decided to save me from myself or not. There was a lot of very good stuff in that finale. What there wasn’t was the moment, when I lost my temper in a red-faced, eye-bulging, vein-swelling rage, during the critics’ last discussions."

OK, gotta step in here and ask why the hell not? Why wouldn't the producers and editors include that? I want to hear that passion because I'm here to tell you, that finale was a snooze-fest. But it obviously wasn't Jay's decision so back to Jay.

"I will admit that as the competition went on, I became more than a little tired of Moonen’s posturing as both "the fish guy" and "the sustainability guy." The latter struck me as a little odd given that his restaurant is located in Las Vegas, possibly the least sustainable city on the face of the planet. Almost nothing grows there. It all comes from somewhere else, leaving massive carbon footprints as it travels. But all of this was irrelevant to the competition. Our job was to judge their food according to both how they had matched up to the challenge laid before them and the quality of the food placed before us. And that’s what we did, and Moonen went all the way to the finale fairly and squarely."

Again, Jay brings up some interesting points while ignoring the biggest which is next the US Military and BP, television and movie productions are the most un-green and un-sustainable industries in the US. So having Rick Moonen on a TV show talking about Sustainability at his restaurant in Las Vegas is a big nugget of crazy wrapped up in a tender cocoon of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. But after the Toby Young Experiment, all Top Chef crazy is relative. Jay continues.

"But at that finale the game changed, subtly. The challenge was very specific: the food had to tell their story. It had to be about food memories, the food that made them want to be a chef and, finally, and crucially for me, the food that defined them as a chef.

For this course Moonen cooked venison, and a lovely piece of venison it was too, with outrageous pear butter. He made it clear that he wanted to change the way we looked at him. He didn’t want to just be "the fish guy." He was a fully-rounded chef. The problem: that venison came from New Zealand, thousands of miles away. It seems he wasn’t the sustainability guy either."

Uh oh. Fame and Ego crash head on into ethics and morals. Rick picks a piece of meat flown all the way from New Zealand in his drive to win Top Chef Masters. Now, there seems to be some confusion to what Rick's philosophy is when it comes to sustainability. I pulled this from the RM Seafood website.

"When not behind the stove, Moonen can be found throughout the country educating about the dangers of over-fishing and ocean conservation. As an industry leader, he has testified several times for environmental and sustainable policy issues in Washington, DC and New York. He is a founding member of the Seafood Choices Alliances which named him Seafood Champion in 2006 as well as an active member of the Wildlife Conservation Society, Seaweb, and a chef's advisory board member of Ecofish. He also has served as a spokesperson for American caviar, a more environmentally sound alternative to the Caspian Sea varieties, and he is often quoted for his expertise with various indigenous and exotic fish."

Not only that but Rick is unapologetic about picking that protein, "I’m not a tree hugger. I’m a chef. I’m in a cooking competition." Jay seems more upset that Rick picked a protein that had a huge carbon footprint....not something that was ecologically unsustainable as farmed New Zealand venison is not. I would have been more impressed if Rick has used some good ol 'merican white tail but let's not act like he got a facial with gold tin of Almas Caviar. Still Jay wasn't ready to let it go.

"Bloody hell, but I was furious. For weeks he had worn his green credentials on his sleeve, bigged himself up as the savior of the planet. Even under cross examination about his dishes in the finale he declared that "we need to respect the environment you live in." I’m certain his restaurant in Vegas is run according to rigorous sustainability criteria. But, when it came to the last stage of a cooking competition, he shrugged it off. I felt like we’d been had, been spun a line by a shameless opportunist. I expect to see in the comments below this piece the rebuke that it was a cooking competition and we should only have judged him on the food. To which I will respond again, that we were to judge them on the challenge and that dish was meant to show us what defined him as a chef. And after weeks of singing "We are the World" he decided to throw every single one of his self-serving homilies out the window and use a staggeringly unsustainable ingredient, which had been air freighted thousands of miles. God knows what the carbon footprint of that single dish was. Mr Sustainability, Rick? I really don’t think so."

Love the honesty Jay is bringing to the back end of this but again, these are the kind of discussions that I, as a fan, want to see. Did Rick lose because of it?

"I should say here and now that this is not why Marcus Samuelsson won. He won because his cooking was better, especially his duck dish with that fabulous foie gras ganache. But I can definitely tell you that Moonen’s craven attitude to environmental issues is why I scored him as I did."

Half a star Jay, Marcus won by half a star. Jay gave Rick four stars but graded him down because of where the venison came from, not the taste of the dish he was served. Did he give Marcus 5 stars knowing it would be so close and to keep Rick from winning? The Diners (last season's finalists and Tom Colicchio) scored all three chefs the same with 4 stars so no help there. Seems that Jay's anger ruled the day.

Again we, the viewers, are left wondering if the best tasting dishes really won and who else pissed off Jay enough to lose stars in the process?

Leg Men and Woman

Six Chefs left and they are getting crankier as it gets closer to the final episodes. This week's Quickfire is all about legs.

Why? I don't know but as long as they are cooking for real live people I promised myself I wouldn't complain and a gold medal athlete using his legs is as good a tenuous connection as any when it comes to these Quickfires. But I wondered? How would they choose which leg they wanted? Draw straws? NO!

AWESOME....Rugby Scrum. They all bum rushed the fridge like it was 4:20 on a Friday. That's right Susan, wiggle your way in there. With their proteins procured, cooking commences. One of the reasons I like watching these sorts of shows is the hope that I'll pick up some new technique or method that I can use in my own cooking. For instance...

...beating the hell out of your crab legs with pot. Or....

...praying to your refrigerator. Rick needs to pray, he picked out octopus (which, technically, don't have legs but this is a reality cooking show not a biology class) to try and cook within the 45 minute time limit.

Meanwhile Susan is doing something golden and beautiful to some chicken legs. (My plate is cleared for landing for those luscious bird stems). Time is up and service to the Gold Medal Leggist begins. Can I just say, I love that the Quickfire is served away from the chefs and they have to watch via TV. It's prime bitch time.

We start with Tony's Crab and Potato salad with 3 types of Coriander. Jay Rayner, who is also sitting in on the judging, feels it's under-dressed. Jason, who seems to actually know what he likes, likes the salad.

Next is Susur's Indo roasted Leg of Lamb. This was also a pretty bold choice for a 45 minute Quickfire. Again Jason likes the flavors and the light sauce hand. Jay says the meatballs are cute. I suspect he says this because he knows it will get under the skin of the very serious Susur. Sadly we did not get to learn any good Chinese curse words.

Susan's Cumin Cilantro Chicken with pickled tomatoes on quinoa & raisin pilaf. Not a plating masterpiece.

Don't get mad at me, you plated it. It's not like it matters because both Jay and Jason love the tastes. Tasty and Ugly is always better than Pretty Dreck, at least in my house it is.

Jonathan's Capellini with king crab, jalapeño and mint is up. This looks really good and pairing mint and jalapeño sounds interesting. Jay, who apparently has his own set of cranky pants, wants more crab in his pasta. Jason thinks it's a good carbo-loading meal for an athlete.

Marcus gives us a Confit of Frog Legs with Curry Broth & Crab Rice. It's not pretty especially with the Brown Smear of Pretension. It's too rich for Jason and too overwhelming for Jay.

Rick is last with his Egg in a Hole with Roasted Octopus & Béarnaise Sauce. Jason likes the clean plating of the dish but Jay can't help but express his dismay at the chewiness of the octopus.

So who wins the $5000 for their charity and an advantage in the Elimination Round?

That's right, The Big Passion in a Little Package, Susan with her simply Delicious Ugly Chicken.

Next up: Tossing the Old Olive Around

Surf & Turf, Masters Style

Our chefs are faced with the daunting task of creating a Surf and Turf dish with some very exotic proteins. Rick, who won the Quickfire, had the entire table to himself and went with the Monkfish liver and the Black Chicken. This challenge could be seen as playing right in Susur's wheelhouse. The same with Rick and his seafood repertoire, I would think all those surf offerings are things he's worked with before. Turns out that Rick and Susur think alike since they took the exact same proteins. As for the other chefs, it's a crap shoot.

Shopping Fill in the Blank
The Chef went to _______ _______ and had ______minutes and _______dollars to shop. _____ lost his cart while shopping. _______ told a story about eating rooster testicles. ____ claims to be in a fog where the ingredients are not talking. _____ does not have much faith in her dish, explaining her dish would make the cashier puke. ________ got a chair massage while still in ______ ______which seemed to piss _______. A double ________ salute was raised.

Everyone went back to the kitchen in the ________ provided Pimpmobiles.

The End.

Back in the kitchen, the proteins are not getting a whole lot of love.

Wrong show Susan but I like the way you think outside the pot.

The chefs continue to wrestle with their unfamiliar ingredients, trying to decide to the best way to deal with an unexpected texture or flavor. Apparently one thing they don't have to wrestle with are dirty pots and pans.

Background Spotting with Big Shamu

I love looking at all the little details (not involved with product pimpage) in shows like this. Sometimes you see maintenance guys working on a stove while a chef is trying to cook, you might catch someone making a face behind someone else's back, or you might see production PAs washing dishes.

Dishwashers are not what's got me curious. No, it's the rubber glove taped to the one guy's back? What the hell is that about? Maybe I'll text Andy my question on the next Watch What Happens.

Day One cooking is done, onto Day Two. Rick is using chemistry to fix his broken mousse. Tony is feeling a bit cramped from Susur's manic cooking methods. As for Obi Waxman?

He is struggling mightily. It's just not his style of cooking to use exotic products. He's putting stuff on the plate but he's not loving his dish. The Dark Side is definitely creeping over him. No matter, it's time to eat.

Among our diners for tonight's meal are Andrew Zimmern, famous for his TV shows Bizarre Foods and Bizarre World where he eats much more bizarre foods than he will be eating on Top Chef Masters. Don't be fooled by Andrew, he's done his time as a chef and apparently was top notch. He lives food, on the radio, on TV and in print. He knows his stuff.

Rick is up first.

Rick's Poached Black Chicken Mousse & Roulade, Monkfish Liver Torchon with Buttered Leeks. He generally gets good marks but James Oseland thinks he could have done without the leeks.

Tony's Crostino with Calamari in Zimino, and Goat Cheese Ravioli with Braised Goat Sauce. I had to google Zimino to try and get a handle about what we're talking about. Google further confused me. It looks like it refers to an Italian sauce consisting of tomatoes, olive oil, garlic and some sort of greens (chard or spinach) and hot pepper that is used for braising seafood. Looks like that's what he braised the giant squid in. (True Italian cooks, feel free to clear my confusion). The crostino makes everyone happy but the lack of goat on the ravioli is immediately called out.

Susur yanks out the big guns by mixing French and Japanese cuisines with his Poached Monkfish Liver, Black Chicken Velouté and Black Chicken with Monkfish Liver with a Burned Butter Sauce. Right off the bat it's a much more elegant looking dish than some of the dishes Susur's done in the past....once you get past the clawed chicken foot. It seems to be hitting on all cylinders and his monkfish outshines Rick's preparation of the same product.

Jody follows Susur with her Sicilian Spiced Roast Goat, Geoduck & Chickpea Chowder and Homemade Harissa. She immediately gets pinged for the overly rare roast goat but her chowder receives nothing but praise.

Marcus presents his Geoduck and Kangaroo Sausage, Geoduck with Pearled Couscous and a Geoduck and Kangaroo Tartare. It looks like a hot mess. Or should I say Hot Mess Jr.?

Wow. Jonathan's Giant Squid Fritto Misto, Fried Duck Tongue, and Fideo with Duck Tongue.
Honestly? It looks like a big plate of fried road kill. Some of it gets praise but wow.

Last but not least, Susan and her slug. Marinated Sea Cucumber, Fried Sea Cucumber, and Kangaroo with Juniper Sauce. Her plate isn't much better in the plating and appearance department than the last two but her flavors and preparation seems to please the diners.

Back in the Stew Room, no one is looking forward to Judge's Table.

You know, at this point of the competition, the chefs seem to be going one of two ways when it comes to dealing with the judges, strongly defending almost to the point of telling the judges they are wrong or kinda sitting back and chanting the age old Top Chef mantra, It is what it is.

So the top four are Susur, Rick, Susan and Tony. As they pointed out in Judge's Table, Rick, Susur and Tony were the first three chefs to choose their proteins but Susan, by going last, got whatever was left and still ended up with the winners. The big winner?

Susur with another amazing score of 19 stars.

As for who is going home?

I know who I would have picked. It certainly wasn't who was sent home.

Yes, half of my Girl Power Team is sent packing which makes me sad. Jody has a sly wit and never say die attitude I very much enjoyed.

So tell me, do you think they sent the right chef home?

Wedding Wars

It must be tough finding challenges for Top Chef Masters. A challenge that works well on Top Chef doesn't always cross over successfully to Masters. Restaurant Wars is not really a big deal to chefs who have opened and closed more restaurants than your normal 8th place Top Chef finisher. However one challenge that appears to strike fear into the hearts of chefs everywhere is Wedding Wars. The most fearsome aspect of Wedding Wars? Working on teams? Nope. Long hours? Nah. The Bridezilla? Just send in Obi Waxman to calm her. No, what they really fear is...

...The Cake!

Carrying over their teams from the Quickfire, the chefs have 12 hours over two days to make the Bride's food and cake and the Groom's food and cake for 150 guests. Let's meet the happy couple.

The Blue Team, having won the Quickfire, get to choose whose food they want to cook. They choose the more adventurous food of the Bride. The Teams now get 45 minutes to find out what foods their customer likes and despises. Right off the bat, the Red Team realizes that the Groom is Jewish so the Pork Dish repertoire is tossed out of the kitchen. Carmen is suddenly at a disadvantage. Over on the Bride's side a whole ocean of shellfish sleep safer in their shells as the Bride pronounces them persona non grata despite Rick's best efforts to have them make an appearance. Not only does she shoot down the shellfish, she also takes the lamb off the table but I don't think that suggestion sunk deep enough for one chef.

We've all seen this type of look before. It's a look that says "I can change your mind about lamb". It's a gutsy look. Let's see if she has the chutzpha to back it up. As for the dreaded cake, the Groom goes Carrot and the Bride wants Bananas Foster. Carrot cake is kinda pedestrian but Bananas Foster is an interesting request. A flambé of bananas and rum served over ice cream is not your usual wedding dessert choice. It pretty much guarantees someone gets to run a dessert station for the night, making the dish upon request. Could be disastrous.

Shopping?

Yawn.

Back at the kitchen, the six hours of prep work begins. It's tough, each chef has to prep two courses and think about the cake.

Which Susan does not want to do.




The Blue Team is looking tasty on hors d'oeuvres while the Red Team...

...looks a bit safe. I'm actually kinda stoked to see what sort of hors d'oeuveres these master chefs come up with. The usual offerings we get from the Top Chef contestants run to the sad and doughy side and we hate that. Prep time is also revelation time. We learn that Susur and Jody have never made their respective dessert assignments of carrot cake and bananas foster.

And I have no idea what Marcus is doing to this tenderloin?

Just a side bar here, it cracks me up to no end that Master Chefs use slap choppers. Do you know just how often Bravo uses a chef's knife graphic in it's Top Chef and Top Chef Masters advertising? What next?

This guy as a judge?

So prep is done for the night and the chefs toddle off to what I'm sure are swanky digs to rest up for the next day's activities.

Jonathan and Marcus start things off right by facing off in their own personal Grilling Wars.

I know Obi Waxman likes to listen to the ingredients to guide him onto the path of Culinary Enlightenment....

...but I'm fairly certain this cake is not saying it wants to look like Ass.

(yes, capital A, Ass) But he's not concerned because he has faith in Jody's Banana Foster which is a good thing because Jody is getting a little tense watching Susur and his Land of Many Desserts.

So it's the Blue Team's Ass Cake and Bananas Foster versus the Red Team's Carrot Cake, Croque-em-bouche, an Upside Down Raisin Pudding with Butterscotch Sauce, and a kids dessert with chocolate sauce. Jody has a right to be worried.

Time to start passing the hors d'oeuvres.

Just by sight and description, I'd have to say the Blue Team gets the edge here. I know the Red Team went all seafood but it seems lackluster and messy. I know Jonathan got called out for his offering being bigger than one bite but overall the flavors on both teams get high marks.

Now...there was a lot of food. Each team apparently did a salad and many sides but much of that food was not shown nor reviewed by the critics. So we'll give a fly by to the main dishes and scoot to dessert. The Blue team had Jody's Rack of Lamb with Rosemary, Farro and Autumn Vegetables, Jonathan's Roast Chicken with Tarragon Velouté and Cauliflower Puree, and Rick's Seafood Grill on Sweet and Sour Eggplant. On the Red Team we had Marcus's Roast Beef Tenderloin with Grilled Onion Ragout and Pomegranate Sauce, Tony's Flaming Ouzo Shrimp and his Au Gratin Potatoes. Not shown are Carmen's Grilled Corn Salsa or Tony's Pasta dish. The winners in all this food? Jody's lamb, Jonathan's chicken, and Tony's shrimp and au gratin potatoes.

BEHOLD

The CAKE in all it's Assy Glory. Time to submit this puppy to Cake Wrecks. It didn't help that it was dry. But that's OK because Obi Waxman was right.

Jody's newborn efforts at Bananas Foster blew all of Susur's desserts right off the table. Finally the wedding event is over.

The Blue Girls are just a bit giddy to be done.

I have to say that this was some of the best food for a Wedding Wars challenge I've ever seen. The Bride and Groom should be very happy to have had such wonderful food. Still someone has to go home. The critics overall seem happy but point out the obvious cake disaster. Yet despite that, Susur's dessert heavy contributions and Carmen's lone Corn Salsa dish make the Groom's food seem uneven. Did Jody risk too much by giving the Bride something she didn't want?

NO! The Blue Team survives and moves on to the next Challenge. The winner overall?

That's right, Big Risk, Big Rewards Jody Adams. It's an amazing contrast between the two teams because the Groom's team gave him exactly what he wanted just not in the most exciting or the more finely executed way. Carmen in particular finds herself the Anti-Jody. Because her background is spicy and porky she just couldn't find a way to make a dish that made her mark. The critics seem to think she didn't work as hard as the rest of the team which I don't believe it's just that she chose to submit to the wishes of her client. In the end, she takes one for the team and is sent packing.

Next up: The Simpsons?