Is It Better In the Bahamas?

After last week's wonderful food from our five remaining chefs, I had high hopes that they would build on that momentum and step up their culinary game...and I'm not talking about the chefs, I'm talking about the show. It's part one of the Finale, it should be about food, high end, letting the chefs show the best that they can produce. Or at least in my mind that's the way it should be.

Apparently my mind is out there in some unknown hinterland because what we got instead was Induction Cooking Theater. Which is kinda hilarious considering what happens later because one of the selling points of induction cooking is that you won't burn yourself. I would have liked this challenge a whole lot more if all the chefs had real kitchens and equipment to work with.

The Quickfire is simple. The Chefs must cook against the Top Chef winner of their season. That means the winners of Season 4, 5, 6, and 7. Each season gets a different secret ingredient. If the challenger wins, they get $10,000 and if the Top Chef wins, they get the money. Already Richard is salivating to beat Stephanie, the woman who stole his title, because he knows he was the best during his season and this way he can finally prove it. I can only assume then by that logic everyone who won a Quickfire during this season against Richard is the best chef....

Richard fans should probably skip on down...

That means Tiffani, Tre (won $20,000), Mike (won a car), Dale T., Dale T. again (won a trip), Mike again (won $5000) and Carla are all better chefs than Blaise. As a matter of fact, the only Quickfire Richard won on his efforts alone and not as a part of a team was the one Quickfire that wasn't judged on taste, just presentation. I said it before and I'll say it again...Dude, you didn't win your season, you weren't the best, Stephanie was and nothing you can do or say will ever change that. During your season, Stephanie was the first chef to win four Elimination Challenges and be in the top of the Elimination Challenges ten times. Not to mention winning fan favorite. In the category of what people have done lately, it's Izard's Girl and The Goat restaurant that's up for a James Beard 2011 Best New Restaurant. It's also Kevin Gillispie who was nominated for a James Beard Rising Star and Dale Levitski's Sprout up for Best Chef in the Great Lakes region. I don't see Richard's name or his restaurant anywhere on the 2011 nominee's list. Perhaps you should not pin all your hopes and dreams on winning the title of Top Chef. Just ask Ilan Hall how that's worked out for him.

OK rant is over...for now. Back to the Quickfire. Of which the most important question is...

...just how much duck fat did he use in his hair? Perhaps that's why he loses against Mike in Battle Duck.


Hosea apparently has his own ax to grind against the Haters who think he didn't deserve to win in Season 5. We don't hate you Hosea, you just bore the hell out of us. Frankly, even the most ardent Top Chef Crack monkeys have a hard time remembering who you are. Still he finds a $10,000 validation in beating Carla in Battle Lamb which is fine because you can never tear Carla out of our hearts. There she will always reign supreme.


Wow....what a surprise....Team DC has pork at their mystery ingredient. Tiffany who has not won one Quickfire or Elimination challenge finally wins $10,000 for beating Kevin.

Stephanie gets to compete against two chefs and a rack of veal. In a split decision she wins against Antonia but loses against Richard.

The losers? Induction table top units for unreliability. Hope they didn't pay too much for that pimpage.

Next up - Burning Down the House.

Top Chef Season 7 Finale

So. The finale. Who was I rooting for?


That's right. This guy. He could have smoked all three Season 7 finalists. He would pound Ilan into the dust. It's pretty sad when it's the season finale and the show you really want to see is a head to head match up between Hung and Michael V, two of the sous chefs.

Who's Your Daddy?

Based on the dishes the 3 Finalist Chefs presented during the Season, whose restaurant would you call first to make a reservation?
	Kevin, he rocks me to my Southern Roots
	Bryan, his steady, well done food makes me drool
	Michael, his Picasso-like food amazes me with it's brilliance
pollcode.com free polls

Top Chef's Picasso

Power

Power is a wonderful thing. As expected, Tom Colicchio's blog 'plains it all for you. Before we dig into the nuts and bolts rattling around inside Tom's head, I just have to point out what incredible freedom Tom has in his little Top Chef world. Not only is he the Head Judge, host and co-Producer, he is the lead historian of what was and is Top Chef. "But Shamu, you had a whole lot of chefs who were the stars of the show, who drove the story line, what about their view of what was?" Tis true, they were there but our little chefs wear a mighty big muzzle. Do you think Kevin believes Tom is the best judge of how pork belly should be cooked? He may believe it but he won't come right out and say Tom is full of Diet Coke. No, the chefs must swallow what ever Tom is serving and what Tom is serving is this.
First Course - Kevin takes a point with his chicken skin dish. Fairly easy judgment.Second Course or the clichéd Mystery Box dish (Don't we watch Top Chef to see something new, not something they've done forever everywhere else?) goes to Michael with his Dashi Glazed Rockfish. Have to take this one on taste faith that it was better. At least to Tom, not necessarily to Gail. Score is one point to Kevin and one point to Michael. Third Course was the Make whatever you want Course. Here's where it gets tricky. Bryan made venison that seemed to get raves, Kevin made pork belly that while his sauce is praised his cut of meat is considered undercooked. Michael gave us squab with mushrooms but both Gail and Donatello did not enjoy the mushroom concoction. What does Tom think? "The faux mushrooms were playful, a bit silly. They didn’t need to be there – why bother, when everything was so fine? That said, though, they didn’t hurt the dish a jot – it was absolutely delicious."  O....K. So a dish that is delicious but has a silly extraneous component is a hallmark of a Top Chef? Score - Michael 2, Kevin 1, Bryan is screwed.Fourth Course - Mandatory Dessert. While the previous judging may have been tricky, the dessert course show Tom's true colors. He claims Bryan won the round, making the score Michael 2, Kevin and Bryan 1 but what he conveniently glosses over is Michael's failure. "Michael’s dessert was really very delicious, even though he overcooked the ganache a bit. He knew he had done so, and that was unfortunate, but it didn’t overly harm the dessert, because the cake was still tasty and the other elements of the dessert worked really well. There were lots of little techniques in there that were used to great effect, and, overall, the dessert still worked." That's all well and good but Michael still failed to watch his sous chef over fill the molds and he didn't set a timer and ended up overcooking the dessert. Wow, seems a bit....(oh what's the word Tom used just last week), scattered to me. So scattered that I bet Jen was shaking her head that her well received, delicious duck dish was eliminated because she cooked it correctly but differently than what she told Tom. Understand that again, Michael made a dish, a dish he admitted he had made often at his restaurant, a dish he committed to memory but failed to EXECUTE! Tom says it was tasty but four people at that table remarked on the dryness. Now if I were judging, I don't think I'd want a Top Chef who failed to execute one of the dishes. As a matter of fact, I'd deduct a point for the failure. Hasn't that been the mantra this season and every season? One mistake and you're gone? Tell that to Tre back in Season 3. But I'm not Tom, who spent all night telling us, yet again, what he would do. Pork belly with roast pork, dessert bananas two ways, it really gets old. Last time I checked, Tom's not competing. I thought he was supposed to be judging the food in front of him. If he really wants to put his money where his big mouth is, I'm sure the producers of Top Chef Masters would welcome Tom as a competitor with open arms. I seriously doubt that will happen because handing over control of your culinary fate to judges not of your own making is not something Mr. Colicchio seems prepared for. Until then, we'll just have to suffer along with Tom Chef.

Color Me Unimpressed

Congratulations...I guess. For the quality of chefs up until this point, for the Finale episode, I expected a whole lot of fantastic, not the overwhelming urge to flip the channel to a mediocre Sandra Bullock movie. As for the food? Wow, totally underwhelmed. Yeah, I know, I can't taste the dishes. But I also don't see myself ordering many of them as they were presented on a menu of a restaurant I'd never dined at before, that's how uninspired I was by what I saw on my TV screen. I'm sure Tom's blog rantings will explain his intricate thought processes tomorrow but tonight all I can think is that was the most boring Top Chef Finale I've ever seen.

Cashing in the Chips

The Top Chef producers have been very generous to our kick ass Season 6 chefs. To the tune of $110,000 cash (if you count a $10,000 Macy's gift card). Not to mention a Toyota Prius just for winning the last Quickfire.But what's really interesting is who won the money. There were 7 episodes with High Stakes prizes. Only one chef not in the group of top four chefs won $15,000. Jennifer, Michael V. and Kevin won a combined $95,000 in cash. That's not counting non-cash prizes (like knives, cookware and appliances all of which I think either Kevin and Michael won). Even more fascinating is the fact that one chef won 4 Elimination Challenges, no Quickfires and no cash and only one prize and that lonely reward was to stage with Joël Robuchon in Vegas. That excellent chef is Bryan Voltaggio.Just something to keep in mind as we watch next week's Finale.

Bocuse D'Or, Top Chef Style

August 19th. Remember that night? 14 weeks ago? 104 days? That's how long it's taken to get to the final 4 chefs. 17 chefs whacked down to 4. A lot has happened in that time. Padma got....bangs. Tom probably scored some more product pimpage. Chefs added more tattoos to whatever body space they have left. So hold on my little Top Chef Crack Monkeys, we're almost to the finish line.When we last saw our chefs, Jennifer had just won the Quickfire and our chefs are sweating French bullets, waiting to hear what the Elimination Challenge held in store for them.A mini Bocuse D'Or, that's all. That's right, each chef will choose between lamb or salmon as their protein, use that protein, make 2 intricate garnishes, all perfect in technique and presentation, in four hours. A panel of 12 judges, some who are on the American Advisory Board of the Bocuse D'Or will be judging your food but the real cherry on top of this hot French Sundae? Thomas Keller, of the legendary French Laundry, will be serving as a guest judge. The only way it could get better is to roll the man in duck fat and cover him in bacon. So the stress is definitely on. Will someone blow a gasket and end up throwing SPAM petit fours on the mirror?Isn't that why we watch?

The chefs take one last shopping trip to Whole Foods where they stare at produce for inspiration.Back at the condo, further inspiration is drawn from watching the dvds of past Bocuse D'Ors.Apparently it's a party in the stands at Bocuse. That's the trip Bravo should give away to their Top Chef fans, a trip to France to cheer on the Americans at the next Bocuse D'Or.
Once the dvds are done, there's an interesting exchange between Bryan and Kevin with Kevin asking advice about sous viding his lamb. Now, this is still a competition, and Bryan didn't have to help Kevin out but he did. Does Bryan want to win? Absolutely but not at the cost of "being a prick" in his words. What I like about this attitude is that some of these chefs put the food before the competition. Of course Bryan may have helped Kevin out thinking there's no way he would win this particular challenge. It's not his strong suit. Still the whole exchange was a breath of fresh air.

The next day comes bright and early and the chefs work quietly in the kitchen. Chef Tom brings a guest by to remind the chefs just what is at stake.What's at stake for Michael is apparently the Trash Talking award.I think he's got that all wrapped up. Chef Tom stops by again, this time alone, so he can make funny faces at the chefs.But also to announce that the winner of the Elimination Challenge will get THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!! Who's making funny faces now?Suddenly it's time to start the Parade of Mirrors. Kevin is the first to get a gander at the rest of the judges who include Traci Des Jardin, Jerome Bocuse, Daniel Boulud, Alex Stratta and Tim Hollingsworth in addition to Tom, Padma, Gail and Thomas Keller. No point sweating about it now, your dish is done.

Poached Lamb Loin, Sherry-Glazed Beet & Asparagus in Sunchoke Cream

The judges seem to enjoy his food but Thomas thinks it's a little elementary for Bocuse.

Michael follows Kevin into the high stress arena.

Salmon with Cauliflower Chickpea Tart & Zucchini Tzatziki

While scoring points for being pretty, his flavors take a hit. Even worse, Alex Stratta finds a dreaded fish bone. In real world Bocuse D'Or, Michael would have failed right there. On top of that, his hollowed out cucumber impresses no one for technique or originality. Perhaps Michael should go watch with Kevin cook on his day off.

Back in the kitchen, Bryan finds himself in the weeds with time running out.But Bryan finds his earlier chef camaraderie rewarded by Jennifer who steps up to lend a hand, having won that extra 30 minutes in the Quickfire. Karma baby!

Crusted Lamb Loin, Lamb Shank Crepinette & Orzo Au Gratin

Again, the judges like the look of his platter and food but find the lamb undercooked and the rest of the dish needed just a bit more time.

Sausage Wrapped Lamb Loin, Carrot Puree & Tomato-Piquillo Canape

Eli decides to cut his lamb table side and immediately gets pinged for uneven slices and severely undercooked meat. So undercooked that no one wants to eat the meat. Not a good sign.

Salmon & Caviar, Shrimp Flan & Truffle, Celery Root & Shiitake

Jennifer finishes the group of five with her salmon. Her flavors seem to be well received but the direction of the dish lacked foresight. There's also some salmon servings that were perfect and others that were almost undercooked. Same with her shrimp flan.

The meal ends with accolades for all the chefs for their 12 hour Mini Bocuse D'Ors efforts. Still there's one more surprise. In addition to the money for winning the Elimination, the winner will also snag a spot to compete on the 2011 Bocuse D'Ors team. I don't think you'll be seeing that happen on any of the Food Network Competitive Cooking shows any time soon.
You have to think they are all just numb by the time they reach Judge's Table. Which is a good thing because the first round of comments are all about picking at each of the chef's weaknesses. No one goes unscathed but Tom winds it up by saying how much he respects the chefs and their food by getting to this stage in the competition and completing this challenge. The second round of comments seem to suggest that no one had the perfect dish. The only one coming closest is Kevin and his simplicity seems to be the biggest weakness.However, not enough of a weakness to stop the Juggernaut from taking home another $30,000 and the coveted spot to compete in Lyons.
Now for the Elimination. Frankly the four remaining chefs all looked like they were about to Stress Hurl.It doesn't take long for Padma to call out Eli's name.Can't say I was surprised but I am glad it finally happened. There's not one dish I think of when I think of Eli but I will remember him as someone who saw fit to mock a cancer survivor and I know if it were me that would not be something I'd be proud of.

Time to look ahead to the finale so pack your bags, we're going to Napa.

You Say Ballotine and I say Terrine

I was wondering, way back during Episode 4, what sort of amazing challenges were in store for the chefs who reached the final five of the competition. You see, Episode 4 was the Daniel Boulud, snails, Joël Robuchon, and classical French sauces episode. A great episode to be sure but I wondered why this great episode happened so early in the season. Now we know why. Bocuse d'Or.
First, a bit of history on the Bocuse d'Or. It's a culinary competition pitting the best of the world's chefs using classical French Cuisine. The competition is not that old, the first was held in 1987. The event is held every two years in Lyons, France. France has won the Bocuse six times, Norway four times, Luxembourg and Sweden have won one each. Americans have not even sniffed a Bronze Bocuse, only coming as close as sixth. A team consists of two chefs, a lead chef and an assistant chef who must be under the age of 22 at the time of competition. They have five and a half hours to prepare their two dishes, meat and fish, in front of a live audience. It's about precision, technique, presentation and taste. It is not for the faint of culinary heart.

Back at the condo, our chefs prepare themselves for their last Quickfire in Vegas. Eli reveals that he's playing to win...not so much for himself but for Richard Blaise. For some reason, Eli believes that Season Four's title of Top Chef was unjustly taken from Richard, going so far as to quote the great movie line from the Princess Bride, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.". What Eli doesn't seem to realize is that Richard choked during the big game. This can only mean one thing (Dun-Dun-Dunnnnnn) Loser's edit. Still it's not all doom and gloom because Jennifer gives us a Condo parting gift...

...Tank Top Tease!!! (thanks to whoever was following Jen around with the camera)

Our chefs arrive at the kitchen to find Padma wearing her tallest black heels.Because there's nothing a beautiful woman loves more than towering at least a full head over a short man.Standing in Padma's slim shade is Gavin Kaysen, the Rodney Dangerfield of the Culinary World. He was in the 2007 Bocuse D'or but had the misfortune of having a French dishwasher mistakenly eat two of his side dishes and ended up placing 14th. Again in 2007, as a contestant on The Next Iron Chef, he was eliminated for having an under seasoned dish but did not reveal until later that his food had been improperly stored by the tech crew, resulting in it soaking in an ice bath and leaching out all it's flavor. Will Gavin find respect and a little love from Top Chef?Maybe. Padma certainly looks like she's about to tuck him into her pocket. Gavin goes on to describe the chicken Ballotine he made in 2007, leaving out the part about the French Dishwasher's Snack (the name of my next cookbook or band, I can't decide) and how it's a protein, inside a protein, inside another protein. So the Quickfire is to make a version of Gavin's dish, a Ballotine, in ninety minutes. Immediately, the Asshat Voltaggio veers off the track into doing exactly what he wants to do, totally ignoring the whole spirit of the episode which is about fundamentals and precision.BRILLIANT! Jennifer, who needs a win desperately, begins to worry me when she starts to sound like the Ghost of Robin past by explaining that she's never made a ballotine before but at least chooses to make a ballotine from seafood which is in her comfort zone. Apparently Michael has already crowned himself Top Chef and has skipped ahead and also made himself a Judge.BRILLIANT! Finally the ninety minutes is up and the Protein-fest begins.Eli, who I doubt has made a ballotine before, makes a good choice of Scotch Egg. No one spits it out.Michael's Poultry Terrine Chicken with Turkey & Bacon Mousseline is up next.Jennifer finally finds her mojo again with a beautiful Calamari Steak, Scallops, Salmon, Shiitake, Shiso with Rice Noodle Salad which earns a warm "Welcome back." comment from Padma.
Bryan gives us a beautiful Rack of Lamb & Merguez Sausage Wrapped in Caul Fat. He also has sauces of carrot, curry yogurt, roasted pepper coulis and date and fig puree.Kevin sticks to his Juggernaut strategy of drawing on his deep Southern heritage and reinvents Cormeal-Fried Fillet of Catfish with Scallop & Shrimp.Now for the long and the short of all the dishes. Kevin gets a little grief for having dry catfish but it's Michael's terrine that gets called out for being (drumroll please....) a terrine and not a ballotine.BRILLIANT! Maybe the accumulated tattoo ink in his body is causing Michael a bit of short term memory loss....
Of course the winner is the one person Michael claimed had nothing left to show.No immunity or gold big money chip but she does receive an extra 30 minutes she can use for the Elimination Challenge. If we're lucky, she'll model that tank top again.

Up next: Mini Bocuse