The Asshat Man Cometh

A little bird whispered in my digital ear this past Sunday. "Watch Iron Chef" I wasn't sure why but the Bird has never steered me wrong. Iron Chef usually isn't on my TV watching radar screen, it just doesn't interest me like the drama and passion of Top Chef does. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware of the fame whore aspects of both shows it's just that Alton Brown annoys the hell out of me and there's really no surprise that secret ingredient is 9 times out of 10 made into ice cream whether it be mangoes or bone marrow. So I wondered what the little bird was trying to tell me? My jaw dropped as I realized who the challenger was. Yes, it was someone who wanted to called by only one name much like Prince or Madonna but that one name he goes by here at the Karmic Kitchen is...Hard to believe but Spike Mendelsohn was the night's challenger of Battle Prosciutto against Micheal Symon. And that, my little Top Chef Crack Monkeys, is when Iron Chef America became dead to me. They've had some kick ass challenger's in the past (José Andrés, Traci Des Jardins, Homaro Cantu, not to mention a whole raft of chefs who either guest judge on Top Chef or compete on Top Chef Masters) but this has to be a new low point. He wasn't even a finalist in his season of Top Chef Chicago. So why Iron Chef America? Can an Asshat change? Would he become the Frozen Scallop Comeback King? Has time taught him to leave his Asshatery ways behind?

Survey Says............

NO! All he's learned how to do is to add pieces of Flair to his asshat. (Note to Spike, you've still a ways to go to get to your 15 pieces...). Still maybe Asshat would surprise us with his food? Maybe a prosciutto soup?

Maraschino cherry prosciutto soup? Or maybe something with truffles?Chef Symon loves the idea of fresh truffles.......but Asshat's use of the canned truffles leaves Iron Chef Symon a bit incredulous.

Despite an hour worth of time and two sous chefs, Asshat's main focus seems to be a play on this classic ham preparation.
Yeah, I'm not impressed either. "Sweet on Sweet" is how one judge described it leaving me to believe that Asshat is still pretty much all ass and not much else going on with his palate or imagination. He didn't even attempt a dessert. I won't go into details because all you need to know is that Chef Symon SMOKED Spike right out of Kitchen Stadium.Sadder still was that score came from 3 unknown, first timer judges. As a casual observer of Iron Chef America I know that scoring is usually close, a spread of maybe two or three points. At the most maybe 5. But TEN? The only thing that would have made this moment even more warm and fuzzy (and watchable) for me was if Jeffrey Steingarten had been judging. If anyone could put an Asshat in his place, it would be Jeffrey. But maybe it's all right, maybe the Food Network is where Spike belongs...perhaps helping Paula Deen massage two pounds of butter into every crack and crevice of every dish she makes...or maybe assisting Sandra Lee with her tablescapes. While the title Top Chef or Iron Chef may never grace Spike's culinary resume, he will always be able to fly his Asshat flag proudly where ever he goes. Just let it be on a channel not in my cable package.

What, no Flay?

Those whose televisual existence hinges on a steady diet of food pornography can look forward to an interactive side dish, in the form of Destineer's upcoming 'Iron Chef America: Supreme Cuisine.' The game is hitting Nintendo Wii and DS this fall, with four celebrity chefs having lent their name to the project: Mario Batali, Chef Cat Cora, Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto, and commentator Alton Brown.While gameplay details are still a bit fuzzy, players will compete in a series of cooking challenges similar to those found in the television show.
[From: USA Today]

The Case of the Failed Food Detective

We all know Ted Allen...he started out as the food guru on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", and later started showing up on "Iron Chef America" as a guest judge. And of course, he's been a beloved favorite part of "Top Chef" since the beginning. In all these shows, he's always impressed me as being funny and smart, so I wasn't surprised when Food Network decided to give Ted a show of his own - a show, I hoped, where his tastefully snarky goodness could shine.When I saw the promos for "The Food Detectives" I looked forward to seeing what Ted could do on his own. The premise sounded good - debunking, demystifying and sometimes even proving true, various food myths.I'm a big fan of MythBusters, and watching Jamie and Adam occasionally touch on food myths like "toast always lands butter-side down" and "mentos + diet cola = billowing fountains of carbonated joy" is always a hoot (not to mention that I love seeing them blow things up in the microwave...) So the thought of an entire show devoted to culinary urban legends with the added bonus of Ted Allen as host had me hopeful and curious. Then I watched the first episode. My first question is "Why in the world is Ted romping around in that primary colored playground from hell, and what has he done with his wicked wit?" I felt like I was watching "MythBusters meets Good Eats on Sesame Street (For Dummies)".Sadly, I fear that the "Food Network Effect" has turned our snarky, oh so cleverly catty Ted into "Kindergarten Teacher Ted" - a Ted who speaks very clearly to all of us little kiddies so we will understand what he is bringing to our television screens.

I wish Ted well with this show; I even hope I'm jumping the gun, and hope that future episodes will improve. But I still look forward to the television program that gives us Ted in all of his glory, because as of this writing, "The Food Detectives" is definitely not it.