And the Winner is....

Holy cow that was a Restaurant Wars for the ages? Two teams of five, an awesome twist of the letting the customers decide whose food was better and yet another guest judge with accent thicker than Marcel's head. My question for the morning after for once doesn't have to do with the chef who was auffed last night. No, we all knew that was coming the moment Dale chose Marcel as his opposing team leader. What I have an issue with is who was awarded the win and $10,000.


Now if you've read this blog long enough you know I'm not a great fan of Chef Blaise. It has to do with some issues that happened during his season, his reliance on cutesy name play with his dishes but the biggest issue I've had with him is that he felt he was really the winner of his season, that somehow he lost for some other reason than he got out-cooked. I don't deny the man has skills and those skills were rocking on all cylinders during this episode. With all that in mind, I still would not have awarded the win to him. Nope instead I would have given it to...


..this guy. Fabio totally kicked ass in his many roles for Restaurant Wars. Now there's a mistaken belief that when you put something out front for Restaurant Wars, they get auffed. In the seven previous seasons, that's only happened twice. The reason why we tend to believe this is because the judges harp so much on front of house service performed by chefs. So it only seems fair to me that sparkling front of house service should have been rewarded. Just compare the two chef's performances in that role. Tiffany failed on cooking eggs, totally screwed her asparagus dish, and was not exactly well versed in her front of house role. In all honesty, Mike would have been better at front of house but he didn't volunteer. Fabio on the other hand set up his restaurant, fully prepped his waitstaff, most likely greeted every guest, and helped with food prep. When Dale started freaking out a bit at start of service, who was it that calmed him down and made things run smoother? Not Richard. It was Fabio. How was Fabio's contribution to the menu? Well, he made a dessert. We all know that desserts are the kiss of death in Top Chef. How was his dessert? Apparently one of his best offerings so far in this competition and totally melded with the rest of the menu. So while Richard did a good job as his self appointed role of technical adviser (????) I think the real winner was Fabio. So I'm awarding him $10,000 in Karmic Kitchen Bucks (actual value - Doodly Squat) for the fantastic job he did for Restaurant Wars.

Oh No They Didn't!

Watching this first episode of Top Chef All Stars has been eye opening. If there were a dictionary in the Chef Containment Crib, the word humble would be cut out, rolled into a cigarette and smoked while having a glass of wine up on the outdoor patio. The words Arrogant, Superior, Egotistical, and Pompous would be enlarged to a font size of 24 and bolded. Of all the chefs, I would have never imagined that Dale Talde would be the humblest guy in the room. He stepped up like a man, admitted the butterscotch scallop dish he made that got him eliminated was horrendous and he deserved to go. Congratulations Dale, a little humble pie goes a long way here in the Kitchen.


That was the easy award to give out. Choosing the most full of themselves from the remaining chefs was a little more difficult. How can you not think of Fabio and his smoldering Italian outrage erupting to the point of inviting judge Anthony Bourdain to step out back in the alley to demonstrate his anger issues.

Sorry Fabio, my money would have been on Bourdain to show you just how bad your dish was in a distinctly American fashion.

Then there was Richard Blaise, self proclaimed winner of Season 3. With that thought burning brightly in his frontal lobe, he then decides that the rules are for everyone else and certainly not for the self proclaimed winner of Season 3.

Timers and rules are for Suckers! Of course it could have cost you the $10,000 prize for the challenge. Chump change, right?

However there is a reason why they have large double doors leading into the Top Chef Kitchen. They need plenty of clearance to allow Jennifer Carroll's head to wedge it's way through.


I was a huge fan of Jen during her season, I thought she was going to take the whole thing however she failed to crack the top three. That hasn't stopped her from talking a mighty big game.

"My season was the most intimidating because of me"

Backing up the talk with your cooking skills would help but when your duck in your duck dish goes MIA, intimidating you are not. So we award Jen Carroll our first ever "I Am The Shit" Award for outrageous pomposity.

A real necklace you can buy for yourself or a shitty loved one from Locher.

Congratulations, you earned it.

Top Chef Reunion All Star Dinner

Sooo? What was that? This thing called Top Chef Reunion? It wasn't a competition. No money (none that was revealed) was awarded for charity or for chefs. They cooked. They talked. They drank. They ate. I yawned. What did they (the producers) think would happen? That each chef would dance their own personal version of the Top Chef Angry Monkey dance?

OK, Marcel danced a little. But really, it was pretty tame.

My only hope was that the wine flowed early and often.Although my girl Tiff easily beat out Carla for Best TV Face for the night and came up with a new phrase to describe Stefan as a Lesbian Opportunivore......a description that Stefan obviously adores.Oh sure, they relived some of the better moments and certainly some of the worst but was anything resolved? Nothing new was revealed regarding Clippergate. Casey and Carla seem to have no hard feelings towards each other but Casey never explained Caseygate and the harsh comments she made to a Dallas blog. So who came out looking the worst?That's right, Fabio. If this is the future of hosting Bravo TV shows, we're all screwed. It's FOOD Fabio, not foot. Still there was some delicious looking food and who had the most delicious, well thought out food?That's right, Marcel and Ilan, working together as a team and making a great dish that was still warm by the time the boys cracked that dome of salt. Nice job guys.

Will they do another Top Chef Reunion dinner? Most likely since there's still Spit Swappers Hosea and Lea, Anger Management Dale, I'm no leader Sam and Asshat Spike left to sit down and break bread together. Oh boy!

Just in Time for Thanksgiving

Top Chef All Star Dinner Reunion. Or. My title for it, TC Bitchfest 2009. 12 of your most outspoken, outrageous, most fun to get into a fist fight over Top Chef contestants, sitting down and breaking bread together. For some reason, Fabio has been given the Andy Cohen-host duties for the night. Why? My guess is to throw the subtitles producer some work, otherwise, beats me. Now from the previews (available at Bravo here) there's a couple of things I'm thankful for: 1) I don't see Season 4's resident Asshat anywhere at the table. 2) I do see a lot of my favs, Harold, Tiff, Dale, Carla, Lisa and Hung. 3) No Tom Colicchio....yet. I can't say for certain he won't show up. I hope not. What would be the point, to constantly ask the chefs if they tasted their food or complain about too much or too little salt. Shoo Tom, shoo.
What's absolutely fascinating are some of the things that were voiced, at least on the previews. One opinion voiced by more than one chef is that they are tired of being asked about certain things, which...is not unexpected. I'm pretty sure Tiff and Dave are sick to death of their catch phrase. Casey would surely like to forget what she said to a blogger, thinking it was off the record, about her experience helping Carla in the finals of Season 5 only to have it blow up online. Marcel is still a bit prickly (or a bit of a prick, take your pick) about the madness that was his season. But the one thing every single one of these chefs needs to remember is that without Top Chef, a show every single one of them chose to be on, no matter what the consequences were to their careers, without being on Top Chef, chances are none of them would have the national recognition that they have today. We wouldn't know their names, we wouldn't know what kind of influences have shaped their cooking, we wouldn't seek out their restaurants to plunk down our hard earned money and enjoy a meal. As Tiff once said, Top Chef puts butts in the seats. So tune in tomorrow and revel in juicy bitchiness and grown out hair styles because I doubt there will be much discussion about actual food. Unless they've figured out a great way to serve a succulent Roast Rack of Bitch.