We all know Ted Allen...he started out as the food guru on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", and later started showing up on "Iron Chef America" as a guest judge. And of course, he's been a beloved favorite part of "Top Chef" since the beginning. In all these shows, he's always impressed me as being funny and smart, so I wasn't surprised when Food Network decided to give Ted a show of his own - a show, I hoped, where his tastefully snarky goodness could shine.
When I saw the promos for "The Food Detectives" I looked forward to seeing what Ted could do on his own. The premise sounded good - debunking, demystifying and sometimes even proving true, various food myths.
I'm a big fan of MythBusters, and watching Jamie and Adam occasionally touch on food myths like "toast always lands butter-side down" and "mentos + diet cola = billowing fountains of carbonated joy" is always a hoot (not to mention that I love seeing them blow things up in the microwave...) So the thought of an entire show devoted to culinary urban legends with the added bonus of Ted Allen as host had me hopeful and curious. 
Then I watched the first episode. My first question is "Why in the world is Ted romping around in that primary colored playground from hell, and what has he done with his wicked wit?" I felt like I was watching "MythBusters meets Good Eats on Sesame Street (For Dummies)".
Sadly, I fear that the "Food Network Effect" has turned our snarky, oh so cleverly catty Ted into "Kindergarten Teacher Ted" - a Ted who speaks very clearly to all of us little kiddies so we will understand what he is bringing to our television screens. I wish Ted well with this show; I even hope I'm jumping the gun, and hope that future episodes will improve. But I still look forward to the television program that gives us Ted in all of his glory, because as of this writing, "The Food Detectives" is definitely not it.
