Calling in a Favor

The Ginger Figgle? A Lemongrass Mojito? The Russian Tea Room? The Coriander Mule? Forrest Fruits? Alright blog buddies, I am at a complete disadvantage on the Top Chef Masters Quickfire. Pairing food to specific drinks leaves me clueless. So I'm throwing it open to you, the readers. I know there's some former bartenders out there (yes, LaDiva, I'm looking at you). So help a sista blogger out. Tell me how you would have paired up the drinks I listed above with a dish.

Top Chef Masters - Where Oh Where has my Little Stew Gone?

When we last left our Master Chefs they had just completed the not so difficult task of making their version of grilled cheese sandwiches. I don't think anyone broke a sweat. Let's hope the Elimination Challenge is a little tougher.

Hmmm, make a Soul Food birthday dinner for Mekhi and 125 of his friends. I'm think Mekhi must have a new gig on NBC. Soul Food is an interesting choice for Master Chefs to try and tackle. Do you go classic soul food, mac and cheese, collards, ham hocks, and fried okra? Or do they upscale soul food? What about adapting their own cooking style to a soul food dish? Could be very interesting. However they will be serving crowds of people at stations so it's not like we're going to see some exciting new take on soul food like we might had we been serving a dinner party of 12.

The chefs go shopping at Whole Foods and frankly after 6 seasons of Top Chef and 1 of Top Chefs Masters, the shopping shtick gets pretty old. Some chefs try to be funny by going up a down escalator.

Not so funny. Others are unintentionally funny when they look like they are pushing around a giant Costco cart.

Very funny.

During the one hour prep time we get a little peek into the souls of our Master Chefs. Marcus, who was born in Ethiopia and raised in Sweden seems to be upscaling classic soul food.

Carmen seems to be bringing her style to soul food and my ears immediately perk up at the mention of a yucca bacon mash dish.

Marry me! Yes, yes, I know her heart is filled with George Clooney but damn, look at sweet pile of bacon.

David is definitely putting his spin on soul food.

Now I know what you're thinking, that I should be all over this dish because of the crab but here's the thing, I'm thinking the crab is going to get seriously lost in this dish.

Marry me. C'mon, it's shrimp, it's grits pimped out like mac and cheese, with okra and tomato jam. What's not to love?

Thierry appears to have gone completely off the reservation.

With their prep work done for the night, I give you two screen grabs which are causing me a bit of consternation.

As you can see in the first photo Carmen is packing what looks like the hot stew part of her dish into this aluminum pan. In the second you can see an aluminum pan sitting on the shelf where it was waiting to be packed away to travel. Somewhere in her packing Carmen left this tray behind. She only discovers this the next day during the beginning of her two and a half hour prep. She's faced with a difficult decision. Serve without the stew or go back and get it at the Top Chef Master kitchen. She bites the bullet and gets back into the Pimpmobile.

Now, 16 miles in most places is no big deal. 16 miles in LA traffic is a soul devourer. Carmen's black cloud of abysmal luck continues.

Back at the hotel kitchen the remaining chefs hustle to prepare their dishes. Some even hustle to help Carmen in her absence. Monica kicks in the lion's share of help along with Thierry and David. Marcus, on the other hand, decides that competition above all else shall be served. No knife does he lift in support of his fellow chef. Even worse is Marcus's advice to Monica that she should have spent more time on her own dish. The one thing I really enjoyed about the first season of Top Chef Masters was the camaraderie and fellowship between the competitors. Marcus's egotistical pride? Not so much but we will see if Marcus's actions will eventually bite him further down the line.

Carmen finally catches up to her stew. But here's my question, has this pan been sitting out of the refrigerator all night???? With pork sausage? Did the good production assistants put it in the fridge for the night and then when Carmen got close, took it out and put it back on the shelves? Or do they really want us to believe that Carmen is going to serve stew that's been sitting out all night?

Back at the hotel kitchen, the good intentions of Monica and company burn the dreams of a yucca bacon mash into a smoldering crispy mess. Carmen may get back in time but for what?

Finally after an hour and a half, Carmen makes it back only to face the decision to serve just her stew or pull out of the competition.

She decides to stick with it. Not only does she stick with it but never once during service does she complain or explain why she has so little food even when her station sign describes the yucca mash that's not there.

It all certainly looks good but is it soulful enough for the Mekhi, his guests and the judges? David's dish, like his Quickfire, has a little too much going on. Editing the elements could have helped. Monica's dish claims Gail Simmon's award for most soulful but will her undercooked grits keep her out of the top two? Marcus gets raves for his chicken, his mac and cheese but most of all his collards. Thierry also gets dinged for his crowded flavors. Carmen finally gets to admit to her mistake and explain the simplicity of her dish. She does get a little dinged for using store bought sausage instead of making her own.

The chefs await their fate in the luxurious Stew Room.

Despite all her troubles, her cut finger, her forgotten food, her burned yucca and store bought sausages, Carmen gathers the most stars for her simple stew. Marcus, who comes in second, might keep that in mind as they both advance to the Champions Round. As for Monica?

Don't shed too many tears, you may have lost the competition but you gained much admiration for your big-hearted generosity. There are much more important things in life than the title of Top Chef.

Top Chef The Tour

Quick - Can you name the chef who was eliminated during the 9th episode of Top Chef Season 4? How about the chef who went as far as Episode 12 without an Elimination win in Season 6? Names not rolling off your tongue? Then the Top Chef The Tour is just the thing for you.

The announcement at Bravo's website sounds pretty sweet huh? Prizes, food, meeting chefs in person? Meet the Kansas City Tour stop.

OK so 10:30 AM on an overcast Friday in downtown Kansas City is not the most rocking place. Still enough folks interested in Top Chef showed up to fill up the 64 seats for the first show of 4 "dining experiences". What kinds of Top Chef interactions did they get to experience?

There was the Guess the Ingredient station.

Top Chef Putt Putt Golf, only one hole. Why putt putt golf? No idea what so ever.

Photos with Tom and Padma. Sadly no bears in sight to pose with Tom. There were also plenty of TVs set up with googly eyed NY Housewives bursting forth with their mindless chattering. At any moment I expect them to throw poop at the people watching them. Hint to the Tour Folks, Housewife promos and food don't really mix unless you want to have a Top Chef Vomitorium Station set up back behind the tour bus.

And who were the chefs everyone was here to see?

That would be Eli Kirshtien of Season 6 and Nikki Cascone of Season 4. Now if you notice in the Bravo TV announcement they trumpet the fact that you're going to get a chance to eat the chef's food. If you come expecting to taste Nikki's Purple Depressed Bacon dish or Eli's Fried Egg Reuben Benedict, you're out of luck. If you really want to try the chef's food, go to their restaurants (Nikki - 24 Prince Eli - Solo). That's where Nikki is actually serving the version of Purple Depressed Bacon/Pork Loin with Sweet Potatoes, Grape Sauce, Jus and Brussel Sprouts. Today Nikki and Eli demonstrated how to make your own sausage. Now you know me, if I can link you to the relevant recipe it's in the post. Claims that the recipes they made were on Bravo's recipe website are crap. Honestly, it's just as well, writing accurate and concise recipes is not really Bravo's forté. Basically Eli demoed a pork meatball with sauerkraut, a mustard sauce and some chopped apples.

How was it? Heavy on the garlic and really simplistic flavor-wise. Stranger still was the fact that one of the sponsors for the KC Stop was Scimeca's Sausages, a local company that's been making great sausage since 1935. Nice touch to tell the gathered fans to screw the store bought sausage and make your own. But did I get to really eat the chef's food or did I eat a Bravo assistant producer supplied recipe that local chefs hired for the day actually make behind the curtain? Cue up Over the Rainbow please. Shout out to the Culinary Center of Kansas City chefs for their hard work cooking for the day.

Of course it wasn't just about the food. It was about the gossip. It's the behind the scenes chatter of Top Chef that folks want to hear about. Or at least what's contractually allowable (yes, the tour handler made a point of mentioning that little disclaimer). Did I learn anything new? Not really except that the one constant question tour chefs get is How long do you wait in the Stew Room. Answer: Usually 6 to 7 hours if you're lucky. Yes they get drunk and yes they abuse Glad Products stored there. Now when I heard who the tour stop chefs were going to be, I inwardly groaned. Eli was not exactly my fav during the season but I went with an open mind knowing that the pressure of this kind of show exerts on people will make them act out in bizarre ways. What Eli seems to be trying to reform is not so much his image but the people who receive his image. "Get to know me" is Eli's current theme with an undercurrent of his being right all along about Robin being the worst chef and unworthy of being in the Top Chef Fraternity. At some point you hope that Eli will stop trying to convince the world that Robin is horrible and work on being a bit more mature.

Nikki, on the other hand, seems like someone who would be a pleasure to sit down and chat with. Most likely because when she was asked who her favorite guest judge was she responded with Tony Bourdain, not to mention knowing enough to hit the best bbq while in KC, Oklahoma Joe's. When asked what was the most surprising aspect of the show going from viewer to contestant? The pressure. Most of the contestants deal with crushing pressure as it is working in a restaurant but the pressure of your own expectations of your own performance multiplied by the pressure of a time clock and judges table? No wonder these people have nightmares.

So if you're a Top Chef Crack Monkey by all means, hit the tour when it comes to your town. Buy some t-shirts or cook books, play putt putt golf. But if you really want to taste a chef's food and support your Top Chef favorites, seek out their restaurants and put some coin in their pockets. That's the best way you can really get to know a chef.

Bringing the High Stinkin' Cheese

Five new bright and shiny faces to greet us this week for Top Chef Masters. Quick intros from left to right starting with David Burke, Thierry Raytureau, Carmen Gonzalez, Monica Pope and Marcus Samuelson. What sort of torturous, twisty Quickfire does She That Does Not Eat have in store for them?

Make Kelly and only Kelly a grilled cheese sammie? How hard is that? Do they have to make their own cheese? Milk a goat...what? No twist? Have the Quickfire Challenge writers lost their Mojos? Oh well, 5 off the charts grilled cheese coming up.

The twenty minutes is immediately consumed by chefs breaking out ingredients not normally seen on a grilled cheese.

Carmen went for the blood first on her Blood Sweat and Tears Grilled Cheese proving yet again that even Top Chef Masters will dice a digit if not paying close enough attention.

Before we get to our Parade of Cheese, a little business to dispense with.

With this Quickfire I now feel it's time to retire Kelly's moniker, She Who Does Not Eat. Why? Look at the girl, chowing down on that sandwich. True, she's no Padma Lakshmi but it's fair to call her by her given name...at least until something better presents itself. Moving on.

Let the Parade of Cheese Begin!

Carmen, despite her booboo, produces a yummy looking Manchego, Garlic, Cilantro & Lime on a baguette. Kelly likes the simplicity of this offering.

Geez, I think David wins for most crap on a simple grilled cheese. Triple Cream Cheese with Proscuitto, Almonds, Tomato & Rosemary along with pickles, olives and pine nuts. Kelly also finds the plate and the flavors a bit too crowded.

Thierry's Grilled Taleggio & Goat Cheese With Olives, Harissa had the nice simplicity of a regular grilled cheese but Kelly, the little cheese vixen that she is, wanted more Taleggio.

Monica whose daughter is currently in the Grilled Cheese eating phase of her life (may she never grow out of that one) inspired this Feta & Farmers Cheese with dates on Raisin Walnut Bread with Basil, Cilantro & Mint Salad which Kelly enjoyed a lot.

Marcus has delivered up one of my pet peeves, The Brown Smear (followed closely by the Brown Drips as seen in the photo above). I never know it's purpose, is it an artistic device to convey some sort of culinary elegance? Another layer of flavoring to whatever you're serving? A way to make a plate look fuller and your smallish portions look more substantial without spending a lot of money? Feh. Looks messy to me. Oh right, his dish. A Grilled Gruyere & Cheddar with Gazpacho & Salad which was nicely balanced to Kelly's taste.

And the winner of $5000 for their charity and an advantage in the Elimination Round?

Houston's own, Monica Pope. Let's hear it for Kid Inspiration.

Next up: Show Us Your Soul.

When Life Gives You Lemons

Top Chef Masters Chains of Love

When we last left our chefs, Susan and Tony had just won the Quickfire Challenge. She Who Does Not Eat now explains that despite the fact that only one person will ultimately be named the Top Chef Master, the chefs will continue to be chained to their partner. This can mean only one thing....Romantic Elimination Challenge because nothing says chemistry like being paired to someone you don't know.

The challenge (besides working as a team) is to create a duo dish for 30 couples on their first date. Immediately the stories of Master Chefs cooing and wooing the targets of their affections start rolling in which is frankly more interesting than the chefs shopping at Whole Foods. The best story? Teenager Govind Armstrong working for a young Susan Feniger and having the hormonal hots for his boss.

I will give the young man points for trying but it was not to be. Back at the kitchen the chefs settle down to cooking. Things appear to be calm and productive except for the one chef who has the most Top Chef experience. Govind. Seems that the most important thing he learned from Top Chef is the Art of the Off Camera Confessional.



For those of you at home playing Top Chef Bingo check your cards for the square containing the Whine: All He Did Was Make a Salad. Bingo? Anyone, bingo? No? Moving on.

At this point, Feniger is starting to scare me. She's chosen shrimp and scallops for her half of the duo. Seafood is tricky to serve for a timed event like this. You have to cook it enough to not have it be undercooked but you have to time it just right so by the time it gets to your customers it's not a tough rubbery lump. Let's hope nearly 30 years of restaurant cooking experience trumps Top Chef TV timetables.

Welcome back to our judges, James Oseland, Gael Greene, and Jay Rayner. James seems to moving away from his Church Lady persona and drifting more towards...

Which is fine but if this freaky little puppet starts showing up at Judges Table?

I'm texting Andy Cohen.



Shamu's Blessing before this meal? Dear Lord, please bless this bountiful food and please do not reveal unto me or my peeps the Details of any of Gael Greene's First Dates....Amen. Speaking of bountiful food.



Govind and Jimmy serve their duo of lamb. Govind prepared a lamb chop with a cauliflower couscous, swiss chard and a pomegranate reduction while Jimmy made a seared lamb carpaccio with the all consuming baby arugula salad. It seems well received by the judges but in a weird sort of development, the suggested method of eating the lamb chop with one's hands got more air time than some of the chefs. (OK the fact that I don't need a chef to tell me to gnaw meat off a bone could have something to do with too many years spent living in bbq country)



Jerry and Ana serve the most interesting dish of the night. Their method of romanticizing their duo of duck was by seasoning it with very floral flavors. Jerry did a duck breast that was flavored with a lavender rub on top of red cabbage, pomegranates and golden beets (cabbage on a first date? maybe not) and Ana did crispy duck legs nestled beneath vermicelli with orange blossom and smoked cinnamon almonds. That's a whole lot of interesting flavors going on in that duo. The judges rave about Jerry's duck breast but are really put off by the appearance of Ana's dish but not the taste.



Up last is Tony and Susan's Love Potion. Susan's risky Black Pepper Shrimp and Scallops and Tony's home made pasta with Taleggio cheese, mushrooms and truffles. Susan may not be totally comfortable with the whole racing against the clock aspect of TC Masters but she certainly has the dish presentation patter nailed down. Her talk of the "the whole total mythic aphrodisiac of it envelope you and guaranteeing you your second date" talk got She Who Does Not Eat all hot and bothered. Even better is that it appears none of the judges would kick Susan and Tony's food out of their beds. Who would Jay Raynor kick out of his bed?

Sorry James, Keeping Hope Alive might work better somewhere else.

Judge's Table is fairly uneventful at least for the viewers. For the Chefs it's never fun having to face your critics. The one big surprise is that Jimmy's salad got better reviews than Govind's lamb chops. That has got to hurt.







Well you know I'm sitting on a big old pile of happy now that half of my Karmic Dilemma Duo is in the Champions Round.



But where's my French Cheese Ludo?